IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people believe children should be taught by
parents
Use synonyms
 how to be valuable members of society. Others,
however
Linking Words
, admit that the best place to learn is
school
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will give my point of view about both statements. On one hand,
parents
Use synonyms
 have the most important role in their child’s development, including how they behave or other skills like communication in order to be a good individual. Before turning 5 or we might say ‘Golden Time’, it’s a time to learn personality and manners for children,
kids
Use synonyms
 tend to mirror their
parents
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, the way they talk, or communicate might represent their parent’s
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
, most
kids
Use synonyms
 remember what their
parents
Use synonyms
 said when they were young.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
school
Use synonyms
 is a good place to learn. Usually,
kids
Use synonyms
 only learn about academics there, except they take personality classes. Nowadays, there are a lot of bullying cases that arise in
school
Use synonyms
, which denies the argument
about
Change preposition
that
show examples
 `
school
Use synonyms
 is the best place to learn`. Most of the offenders are someone who has good grades in classes. To control
this
Linking Words
 situation, every institution should have experts to handle these cases and examine how students should behave with each other. In summary, I believe we should take a look at both sides. It is true that children can learn
goods
Fix the agreement mistake
good
show examples
 from
school
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as academics, but
parents
Use synonyms
 should look at their
kids
Use synonyms
, including personality and manners.
In addition
Linking Words
, schools should take a test to eliminate
kids
Use synonyms
 who had unacceptable
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 before they got into classes.
Submitted by ambercampbell.xx25 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that all points are clearly supported with relevant examples and explanations.
task achievement
Avoid making generalizations without providing specific evidence.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the clarity and coherence of the introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Provide a more detailed and developed analysis of both perspectives.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and utilize more precise and academic language.
grammatical range accuracy
Revise the grammar to improve accuracy and variety.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
What to do next:
Look at other essays: