IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think tourism should be banned while some disagree. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #tourism #disagree
Due to
 globalisation, people can travel
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 many parts of the world. Some believe that
this
 negatively affects the natural resources
beauty
Correct word choice
and beauty
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 of a
county
Correct your spelling
country
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.
Whereas
, others disagree because of the benefits that a country
receive
Correct subject-verb agreement
receives
show examples
 economically.
This
 essay will
further
 discuss both views and provide a conclusion.
To begin
, those who propose the idea of banning tourism
points
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point
show examples
 out that foreign travellers
causes
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cause
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 harm to the natural resources of a country.
This
 can be seen in a popular beach called Boracay in the Philippines, where a lot of coral reefs and creatures died because of the
wastes
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waste
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 that
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 thrown out
in
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into
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 the ocean.
Therefore
, they had to close it and ban tourists temporarily to restore the original beauty of the place. In these cases, not only the nature suffers, but
also
 the residents near the area.
On the other hand
, people who
opposes
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oppose
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permanent
Correct article usage
the permanent
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 stop of tourists coming
in
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to
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 the
county
Correct your spelling
country
show examples
 think that
this
 should not be the case, because tourism is a massive part of
economic
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the economic
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 source of any nation. Tourists purchase the local commodities, which helps the local businesses to grow.
In addition
, now that travellers like filming their trips, these are being advertised
free
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as free
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 and
attracts
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attract
show examples
 more people to come over, if not get local products exported to another country. In conclusion, exploring both views, it appears to me that tourism greatly improves the livelihood of residents and economic growth
by
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through
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 free promotions and might get a chance to spread local products across the world.
Although
Correct word choice
However
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 the government must impose proper arrangements to protect the natural resources to prevent
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 from being ruined.
Submitted by mjdf0930 on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Include a thesis statement in your introduction to clearly state your opinion.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to improve your lexical resource score.
grammatical range accuracy
Make sure to use proper verb tenses and sentence structures for grammatical accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural dilution
  • economic dependency
  • economic development
  • cultural exchange
  • conservation efforts
  • responsible tourism
  • sustainable tourism
  • mitigate
  • influx
  • overreliance
  • indigenous populations
  • global economic fluctuations
  • cross-cultural understanding
  • preservation efforts
  • vulnerable
  • revenue
  • habitats
  • endangered species
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