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Band 4

Parents want to achieve balance between family and career but only a few manage to achieve it. What do think is the reason? Discuss possible solutions and provide examples

#parents #balance #career #reason
It has always been
parents
' goal to dedicate
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 equal proportion of
time
 between
work
 and family.
However
, not many can
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 that desire.
This
 essay will elucidate the underlying reasons behind
this
 phenomenon and suggest solutions for
parents
 to strike a balance between career and family.
Firstly
, many
parents
 are forced to
work
 long hours to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 the needs of their family. It is not uncommon for people to have multiple jobs to meet their end needs, especially if they have already had children.
This
 is a prevalent case
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 in the developing countries.
For instance
, in Indonesia, a significant number
people
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of people
show examples
work
 in informal sectors that do not adhere
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the regulations to grant minimum wages to the workers.
Consequently
,
parents
 must
work
 in more than one job merely to ensure that they can earn the minimum amount of money to survive at the expense of reducing the
time
 spent with their family.
Secondly
, the inability to divide the attention between
work
 and family can stem from
parents
' poor
Add a hyphen
decision-making
show examples
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
show examples
. Many
parents
 decide to have children without properly taking into account their emotional and financial
capability
Fix the agreement mistake
capabilities
show examples
.
This
 usually occurs in a household with a low education level.
For example
,
parents
 who only graduated from middle school tend to decide to have many
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 because they believe that the children could be a future investment.
This
 is obviously not true and
parents
at the end
 of the day must spend more
time
to
Change the verb form
working
show examples
work
. To solve the aforementioned problems, it is important to educate
parents
 about family planning,
such
 as through pre-marital classes.
Parents
 must be taught the importance of financial and emotional stability before deciding to build a family.
This
 is to ensure that
parents
 comprehend the consequences of having a family,
thus
 leading to a more informed decision.
Parents
 must
also
 choose
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
workplaces that respect the laws and regulations so that their rights
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a decent salary and
time
 with family are respected.
Submitted by tnindrasetiawan on

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task achievement
Provide a clear thesis statement in the introduction to provide a roadmap for your essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting evidence.
coherence cohesion
Add a conclusion paragraph to summarize your points and provide a final thought.
grammatical range accuracy
Use a variety of sentence structures to demonstrate grammatical range.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • time management
  • support systems
  • childcare
  • traditional gender roles
  • societal expectations
  • financial stability
  • flexible working hours
  • remote work options
  • burnout
What to do next:
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