IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Parents want to achieve balance between family and career but only a few manage to achieve it. What do think is the reason? Discuss possible solutions and provide examples

#parents #balance #career #reason
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It has always been
parents
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' goal to dedicate
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 equal proportion of
time
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 between
work
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 and family.
However
Linking Words
, not many can
fulfill
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fulfil
show examples
 that desire.
This
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 essay will elucidate the underlying reasons behind
this
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 phenomenon and suggest solutions for
parents
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 to strike a balance between career and family.
Firstly
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, many
parents
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 are forced to
work
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 long hours to
fulfill
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fulfil
show examples
 the needs of their family. It is not uncommon for people to have multiple jobs to meet their end needs, especially if they have already had children.
This
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 is a prevalent case
especially
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, especially
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 in the developing countries.
For instance
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, in Indonesia, a significant number
people
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of people
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work
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 in informal sectors that do not adhere
with
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to
show examples
 the regulations to grant minimum wages to the workers.
Consequently
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,
parents
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 must
work
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 in more than one job merely to ensure that they can earn the minimum amount of money to survive at the expense of reducing the
time
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 spent with their family.
Secondly
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, the inability to divide the attention between
work
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 and family can stem from
parents
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' poor
Add a hyphen
decision-making
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decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
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. Many
parents
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 decide to have children without properly taking into account their emotional and financial
capability
Fix the agreement mistake
capabilities
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.
This
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 usually occurs in a household with a low education level.
For example
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,
parents
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 who only graduated from middle school tend to decide to have many
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 because they believe that the children could be a future investment.
This
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 is obviously not true and
parents
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at the end
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 of the day must spend more
time
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to
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working
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work
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. To solve the aforementioned problems, it is important to educate
parents
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 about family planning,
such
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 as through pre-marital classes.
Parents
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 must be taught the importance of financial and emotional stability before deciding to build a family.
This
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 is to ensure that
parents
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 comprehend the consequences of having a family,
thus
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 leading to a more informed decision.
Parents
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 must
also
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 choose
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
workplaces that respect the laws and regulations so that their rights
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a decent salary and
time
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 with family are respected.
Submitted by tnindrasetiawan on

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task achievement
Provide a clear thesis statement in the introduction to provide a roadmap for your essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting evidence.
coherence cohesion
Add a conclusion paragraph to summarize your points and provide a final thought.
grammatical range accuracy
Use a variety of sentence structures to demonstrate grammatical range.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • time management
  • support systems
  • childcare
  • traditional gender roles
  • societal expectations
  • financial stability
  • flexible working hours
  • remote work options
  • burnout
What to do next:
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