IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that marketing and adversiting is useless because people buy their products from some shops which have good quality of services and products. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #products #shops #quality #services
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These days, technology helps us to produce a
lot
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 of goods which getting better our lives;
however
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, sales of these things are big problems;
as a result
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, companies use marketing and commercials to sell their products, but a group of
people
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 think these ways are not the best owing to the fact that population prefer to buy their things that they need from shops having good services and produce. I spoil
this
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 idea
due to
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 the fact that marketing and publicity are the best choices for introducing new things and changing
people
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's beliefs. On the one hand, if you watch an advertisement about new brands, malls, and so on,
then
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 you might want to experience it because it is new and most communities like to use new facilities, so you are going to them and watch their goods and may be bought from them;
then
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 the new firm improve their both qualities and profits.
For instance
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, when
people
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 need a new device they surf the net and choose a range of companies that generate it;
then
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 they search about the advantages and disadvantages of it
also
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, when they see a
lot
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 of merits about new brands and most
people
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 are satisfied;
therefore
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, select it.
On the other hand
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, if one business has strong commercial, the
people
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's ideas alter inasmuch as
this
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 thing shows not only the best view of the thing but
also
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 a
lot
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 of good points of them;
furthermore
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, if
people
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 are used it and believe it is very well;
hence
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, societies' views change and buy equipment from the new factory
instead
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 of the prior ones.
To sum up
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, It is crucial that advertising and marketing have a
lot
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 of effects on
people
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's opinion;
additionally
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, they can enhance sales of generations; I advise that when one company do not have perfect sales use these ways with good qualities.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas more logically within paragraphs. Sometimes points seem to jump without clear transitions.
task achievement
Provide more specific and varied examples to support your arguments. This will help in making your points more convincing and relatable.
general
Be careful with grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. This can sometimes confuse the reader and affect the clarity of your points.
task achievement
You have addressed the task and provided a clear stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present and clearly state your viewpoint.
task achievement
You have given logical reasons and examples to support your opinion, which adds depth to your response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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