IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

There is a big influence of peer group on children's behaviour. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? What can be done about it?

#influence #peer #group #children #behaviour
I
learnd
Correct your spelling
learned
learnt
 it from my
friend
 is a common phrase that we get to hear from kids and teenagers as
friend
Correct article usage
the friend
show examples
 circle plays a vital role in children's
behaviour
. Sometimes that
behaviour
 may surprise parents and make them proud but
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of the time parents
whould
Correct your spelling
would
should
 observe their child's
behaviour
negatively
Correct word choice
as negatively
show examples
 affected. The curious minds of young ones always
Change the verb form
tend
show examples
tends
Add the particle
tends to
show examples
 learn what they see and they would want to adopt it quickly.
This
 means even if
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 traits that they are adapting to would negatively
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 their
behaviour
 they would still do that.
For instance
, when
Correct article usage
the researcher
show examples
researcher
Fix the agreement mistake
researchers
show examples
 questioned university students about their addiction to vape and
smoke
Wrong verb form
smoking
show examples
, all of them mentioned they first did that with a
friend
 and
then
latter
Correct your spelling
later
show examples
 it turned into
addiction
Add an article
an addiction
show examples
.
Secondly
, the kind of children a kid is surrounded with would have a major impact on their studies.
This
 means when a child
observes
Correct subject-verb agreement
observe
show examples
 other students not paying much attention to
studies
Correct pronoun usage
their studies
show examples
 they tend to
develope simmilar
Correct your spelling
develop similar
 traits which
effects
Verb problem
affect
show examples
 their
overall
behaviour
 and performance. On the other other hand, there are some advantages that should be
disussed
Correct your spelling
discussed
 as well.
Firstly
, a child will learn about team spirit from their
friend
 circle that helps them
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
competitive
behaviour
while
 still maintaining the bond with each other.
Secondly
, the more
Submitted by sahilverma1997 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: