IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the consumption of 3 spreads from 1981 to 2007.

The graph below shows the consumption of 3 spreads from 1981 to 2007.
#consumption
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The shown line graph presents the use of 3 spreads between 1987 and 2007 by
grams
Use synonyms
 unit. As can be seen,
using
Wrong verb form
the use
show examples
 of butter increased in
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 years before
downward
Add an article
the downward
show examples
trend
Use synonyms
 began.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 margarin had shown rise and
fall
Use synonyms
 before
start
Change the verb form
starting
show examples
 its downward
trend
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, low fat and reduced spreads
was follow
Wrong verb form
followed
show examples
grow
Verb problem
the growth
show examples
 rate and
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 peak level before
start
Change the form of the verb
starting
show examples
 to
fall
Use synonyms
. We can see that, butter recorded
minor
Correct article usage
a minor
show examples
grow
Replace the word
growth
show examples
 to 160
grams
Use synonyms
 from 140
gram
Fix the agreement mistake
grams
show examples
 between 1986 and 1986. And made its peak in that year. After its peak, butter started to
fall
Use synonyms
 till
aproximately
Correct your spelling
approximately
50
grams
Use synonyms
 until 2007.
Also
Linking Words
, the using of margarine followed
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
and
fall
Use synonyms
trend
Use synonyms
among
Change preposition
between
show examples
 80 and 100
grams
Use synonyms
. In 1991 and 1996, margarin remained
stabil
Correct your spelling
stable
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 100
grams
Use synonyms
 before
started
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 its downward
trend
Use synonyms
till
Change preposition
to
show examples
 40
grams
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, low
Add a hyphen
fat-reduced
show examples
fat reduced
Add a hyphen
fat-reduced
show examples
 spreads recorded
grow
Correct your spelling
a growth
show examples
 rate
Change preposition
of approximately
show examples
approximately
Change preposition
of approximately
show examples
Change preposition
apply
show examples
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
10
grams
Use synonyms
 to 90
grams
Use synonyms
Change preposition
between
show examples
among
Change preposition
between
show examples
 1996 and 2001. After
completed
Wrong verb form
completing
show examples
 its
trend
Use synonyms
, using
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
low fat and reduced spreads
Wrong verb form
fell
show examples
fall
Use synonyms
 to approximately 70
grams
Use synonyms
 in 6 years
Submitted by xetaiesgerov1 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words grams, trend, fall with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "downward" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reduced" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumption
  • spreads
  • increased
  • decreased
  • stable
  • significantly
  • approximately
  • per capita
  • remarkable
  • peaked
  • experienced
  • started
  • remained
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