IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

"Fatherhood ought to be emphasised as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up." To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence

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It is widely believed that mothers bear more responsibilities for raising their
children
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 than fathers do
due to
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women
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 have the right to choose to have babies or not.
This
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 essay is against
this
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 notion because there must be a balance role between men and
women
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 in raising
children
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 and
this
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 harmony will eventually be advantageous for
children
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's mental health. First of all, the burden of raising
children
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 must be distributed equally between men and
women
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.
This
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 is because the development of babies is not only influenced by mothers' care but
also
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 by fathers' involvement.
For instance
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, infants tend to learn the idea of affection from
women
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 figures and a sense of humour from their fathers.
While
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 it is true that kids will spend most of their time with their mothers, the role of father figures in their early stages of life must not be neglected.
Furthermore
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, the meaningful presence of both
parents
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 can be significantly beneficial for
children
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's mental well-being. Growing up with consistent love from
parents
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 will maintain the emotional stability of
children
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.
For example
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, many studies found that teenagers who lack internal support from their
parents
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 tend to commit more acts of violence at school. There are indeed various factors that influence
children
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's mental state, but
parents
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' attention plays a pivotal role in shaping it. In conclusion, fatherhood and motherhood must be seen as equally essential for
children
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due to
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 the immense benefits to their development. After all, parenting is teamwork between a mother and a father.

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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