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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Studies show that criminals get low level of education. Some people believe that the best way to reduce the crime is educating people in prison so they can get a job after leaving prison. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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As civilized society is becoming less tolerant
to
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of
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 infringements, there is a huge demand for a decrease in the crime rate.
Thus
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, some individuals see the key factor of decriminalization in the prisoner's
education
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, resulting in opportunities for employment. I totally agree with the suggestion, and
this
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 essay will explore some arguments to advocate my opinion.
Firstly
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, training sessions can provide offenders with essential skills and ensure them with a smooth integration back
to
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into
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 society. If
criminals
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 can comprehend their guilt and be beneficial to the community after release, the stigma of their incarceration will be reduced.
For instance
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, robbers or hijackers, who were taught the profession of plumbers or builders, can prove their law-abidance at the workplace and contribute to the local economy.
Therefore
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,
education
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 increases the loyalty of society to
criminals
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 and brings them a brighter future.
Secondly
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,
possibility
Add an article
the possibility
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 of finding a new social role and improving life conditions will deter
criminals
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 from recidivism. The more positive prospects offenders have, the more probably they will not turn into hardened
criminals
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.
For example
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, some people do not repeat misdeeds, because they are not ready to forfeit a stable income from a new job and pleasant relationships with a family that they hardly achieved.
However
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, culprits without appropriate supervision and
education
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 stay vulnerable to committing crimes again. In conclusion,
education
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 in jails can be considered an anti-crime measure which helps
criminals
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 to rehabilitate successfully, incentivize them to choose the honest way for their personal and professional development and prevent the next criminal conviction.

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion could be stronger. Consider providing a clearer thesis statement in the introduction and a more concise summary in the conclusion.
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