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Band 4.5

Some young people decide to go to college or university as they believe that leads to the most successful career path. Others, however, chose to go straight to work as they think it is important to gain real life experience after high school. Discuss both views and write your opinion.

#people #college #university #career #path #work #gain #life #school
Attending
to
Change preposition
apply
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college is crucial in order to get a degree that sometimes
open
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opens
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 new doors in the
futurue
Correct your spelling
future
 and
lead
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leads
show examples
 you to a more
succesful
Correct your spelling
successful
 path.
However
, some
people
 decide to
work
inmediatly
Correct your spelling
immediately
 after they graduate from high school. Even though both decisions can help you to construct a professional career, going to college is crucial to
achieve
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achieving
show examples
this
 goal. Nowadays, young
people
 say it is better to start working as soon as possible so that you can gain
experience
 and new contacts.
That is
 why they choose to get a job,
an
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
 as a young person you can learn easily and quite fast.
For example
,
people
 who
wants
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want
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 to have a company choose to start their
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
 as soon as possible and
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 on it, or
work
 for a company first to gain
experience
. For these
people
 the more
experience
 they have, the easier will be to be successful.
However
, it is clearly impossible to apply
this
 logic to every type of job. Some jobs require previous studies and without it, they wouldn't even exist.
For example
, any type of medical
jobs
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job
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such
 as
doctors
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doctor
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 or dentist,
also
 other professions like architectures or lawyers require prior of many years of
studies
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study
show examples
. They wouldn't be able to
work
 without their studies and even with them, sometimes is difficult to achieve a
succesful
Correct your spelling
successful
 posture.
People
 tend to
belief
Replace the word
believe
show examples
 that either going to university or working
instead
 of studying can lead you to a
succesful postition
Correct your spelling
successful position
, even though sometimes
this
 can be true, in my
opinion
Add the comma(s)
opinion,
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 it is always better to find a balance and try to
work
 at the same time you study. So that you can gain
experience
 but at the same time
getting
Wrong verb form
get
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knew
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new
show examples
 knowledge that can be useful in your professional career.
Submitted by dannie.sanval on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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