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Band 8

Nowadays in many countries young people leave rural areas to study or work in cities. What are the reasons for this? Do the benefits of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #areas #study #work #cities #outweigh
The youth today are choosing to relocate from rural communities to vibrant cities for the purpose of profession or academia. There are many factors that motivate them to make
this
 decision
such
 as better jobs and higher living standards.
Although
 there are some disadvantages,
this
 essay will argue the reasons why there are more advantages. The primary reason why many adolescents are
following
this
 trend is because of the benefits it provides.
First,
a populated metropolitan usually offers more job opportunities with higher salaries than other locations.
For example
, a countryside teacher is paid 40% less than an average teacher in the city.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that schools in cities have more children and
thus
 the academics are paid more as per the number of students.
Second,
the quality of life in urban areas is higher;
as a result
, it attracts various teenagers. To illustrate, a metropolitan area has all types of transportation including trains, metro and buses among others.
This
 means that everyone in cities can quickly and easily reach their destination,
whereas
, in the countryside, it would take longer. Despite the advantages discussed above, there are
however
 some drawbacks to
this
 decision. One of the major points is that they have to stay away from their families. When adolescents relocate, they are moving from their current home to another and most often, it is without their family for plenty of factors.
For instance
, they are not earning enough to care for families yet, and if they are students
then
 they are not making any income at all. So for many, homesickness is a real issue that causes severe mental frustration and
as a result
, rural youngsters who followed the trend are reportedly scoring low in their studies.
To conclude
, there are merits and demerits for the youth who are shifting to metropolitan areas from less populated locations for work or education. Regardless, the essay discussed stronger benefits
such
 as the importance of better opportunities and higher living standards; these reasons outweigh the issue of homesickness.
Submitted by Mazam on

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coherence cohesion
Provide clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to improve coherence.
task achievement
Develop the supporting points with more specific examples and further explanation.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance the essay.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to article usage and subject-verb agreement.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • rural exodus
  • job market
  • academic institutions
  • cultural diversity
  • infrastructure
  • metropolitan
  • traditional values
  • overpopulation
  • innovation
  • networking opportunities
  • telecommuting
  • quality of life
  • economic disparity
  • environmental degradation
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