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Band 4.5

●In the past, most people lived in small villages where everyone knew everyone else. Nowadays, most people live in large cities where they only know a few people in their area.

#●in #people #villages #cities #area
There is no doubt that we live in a world where the majority of
people
 value accommodation
in general
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, in general,
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 more than ever before. In the old
days
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days,
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 we often heard that
people
 lived together in a small village and almost everyone knew each other. Nowadays, there are many big cities being built and
people
 tend to move here to live.
However
, when living here,
people
 will have fewer relationships and can only know each other when they are near each other. I,myself,partly agree with both ideas, which will be discussed
as
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apply
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below.         
Firstly
,
people
 living together in a small village will have benefits
such
 as
people
 can help each other more easily, take care of the house for you when you are away and the children will have Lots of friends make them not feel bored and you
also
 have more time to work.
However
, among the
benefits
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benefits,
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 there are
also
 disadvantages.
That is
, we will not be able to come into contact with many new and interesting things in other societies, and we will not be able to learn much other useful knowledge.
Above all
, here you will encounter the problem that you will not feel privacy
for
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apply
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yourself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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because most of the houses will be close together so your secret will be known by many
people
 and I think you
You
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apply
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wouldn't like that, right?     
Second,
living in big cities
also
 has disadvantages: you won't know many
people
 and sometimes you need help but there's no one to ask for help. But those problems are not too big for us
,
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apply
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 when you live in big cities you will have better development conditions thanks to the technology created by humans. From there you will be exposed to new things that you may have never encountered before.
Thus
, you will have more useful experience and knowledge for yourself and you can use that to find more relationships.          In the end, I found that deciding to live in a big city was the right choice. Because
this
 place gives you many opportunities to develop yourself as I said in the second point. As for living in a small village, I think
this
 issue needs to be considered carefully before making a decision
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay should have a more structured approach, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs and conclusion. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea and be connected with transitions to guide the reader smoothly from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction needs to clearly present the topic and your thesis statement, while the conclusion should summarise the main points and reiterate your opinion. These elements were present but could be more explicitly defined and impactful.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each main point is developed with specific examples or evidence. While you have made some attempts to support your points, more detailed examples would enhance the argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Complete the task by directly and comprehensively addressing the prompt. While you have provided some comparison between life in a village and a city, explore each viewpoint more thoroughly to fully meet the requirements of the task.
task achievement
Present clear and comprehensive ideas by expanding on your points and exploring them in more depth. Avoid making generalized statements without backing them up with clear reasoning or examples.
task achievement
Use more varied and accurate language, and pay attention to grammar. Some sentences in your essay are difficult to understand due to grammatical errors and unclear wording. This can be improved with practice and careful editing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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