The chart below shows numbers of incidents and injuries per 100 million passenger miles travelled (PMT) by transportation type in 2002.

#numbers #incidents #injuries #million #passenger #miles #pmt #transportation #type

The following graph shows the number of

incidents

and

injuries

per 100 million passenger miles

traveled

Change the spelling

travelled

show examples

(PMT) by mode of transportation for the year 2002. It is clear from the chart that the mode of transportation with the lowest number of

incidents

and

injuries

is the commuter

rail

and

then

Change preposition

show examples

the other

hand

Add a comma

hand,

show examples

we have the demand response

that is

the one with the most

problems

. In the commuter

rail

, there are just 20

incidents

and 17

injuries

per 100 million

passenger

Change to a plural noun

passengers

show examples

and in the

opposite

Add a comma

opposite,

show examples

we have the demand response with 225

incidents

and 173

injuries

Then

we have other types of

trasnsports

Correct your spelling

transports

transport

like heavy

rail

, light

rail

or the bus. So

next,

focusing on

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

3 other types, on the Heavy

rail

there are a

litle

Correct your spelling

little

bit more

problems

than the

comumuter

Correct your spelling

commuter

rail

with 51

inccidents

Correct your spelling

incidents

accidents

and 35

injuries

After we

Correct word choice

show examples

have the light

rail

, which is the one

that is

positioned in the middle of the 5 types of transport with a sum of 115

problems

and

lastly

we have the bus with 142

problems

Submitted by santos_dij on Fri Oct 13 2023

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "that is".

▼

Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.

▼

Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words incidents, injuries, rail, problems with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.

▼

Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.

▼

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

179 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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The chart below shows numbers of incidents and injuries per 100 million passenger miles travelled (PMT) by transportation type in 2002.

Many people work long hour, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

Discuss the Impact of E-Money on Financial Inclusion in Indonesia!

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal life. Does the advantages outweighs the disadvantages.

Parents and teachers make many rules for children to encourage good behaviour and to protect them from danger. However, children would benefit from fewer rules and greater freedom. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?