The chart below shows numbers of incidents and injuries per 100 million passenger miles travelled (PMT) by transportation type in 2002.

The chart below shows numbers of incidents and injuries per 100 million passenger

miles travelled (PMT) by transportation type in 2002.
The following graph shows the number of
incidents
and
injuries
per 100 million passenger miles
traveled
Change the spelling
travelled
show examples
(PMT) by mode of transportation for the year 2002. It is clear from the chart that the mode of transportation with the lowest number of
incidents
and
injuries
is the commuter
rail
and
then
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
we have the demand response
that is
the one with the most
problems
. In the commuter
rail
, there are just 20
incidents
and 17
injuries
per 100 million
passenger
Change to a plural noun
passengers
show examples
and in the
opposite
Add a comma
opposite,
show examples
we have the demand response with 225
incidents
and 173
injuries
.
Then
we have other types of
trasnsports
Correct your spelling
transports
transport
like heavy
rail
, light
rail
or the bus. So
next,
focusing on
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
3 other types, on the Heavy
rail
there are a
litle
Correct your spelling
little
bit more
problems
than the
comumuter
Correct your spelling
commuter
rail
with 51
inccidents
Correct your spelling
incidents
accidents
and 35
injuries
.
After we
Correct word choice
We
show examples
have the light
rail
, which is the one
that is
positioned in the middle of the 5 types of transport with a sum of 115
problems
and
lastly
we have the bus with 142
problems
.
Submitted by santos_dij on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "that is".
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words incidents, injuries, rail, problems with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.

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