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Band 5.5

Some people believe that professional athletes serve as positive role models for young people, while others argue that their behavior both on and off the field can have a negative influence. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #athletes #role #models #behavior #field #influence
People have different views about whether professional
athletes
 should be seen as good role models for
children
 or whether their
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 are not always suitable for
kids
 or teenagers to follow. In my opinion,
although
 some successful athlete
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 are not suitable for
children
, I believe that professional
athletes
 can be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
inspiration
Fix the agreement mistake
inspirations
show examples
 and role
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
show examples
 for
children
. Famous
athletes
 can inspire
children
 in a good way. First and foremost, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
successful
athletes
 have the determination to achieve their goals and diligent efforts. They always practice and exercise every day in order to improve and cultivate their skill as they need to win in the tournament.
Secondly
, professional
athletes
 are usually healthy because they eat healthy food and exercise. These can be excellent examples for the
kids
 to follow their routines for achieving their goals and staying healthy.
On the other hand
, some individuals defend that some
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 of professional
athletes
 have drawbacks.
Practicing
Change the spelling
Practising
show examples
 all day and night will cause some injuries and create a negative impact on their health.
In addition
, some of the personal things of famous and successful
athletes
 are not good to follow.
For example
, they might act aggressively during their competition and cannot control themselves when they are angry. These kinds of
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 are not only negative examples for young people but
also
 for society as a whole. In conclusion, there are some reasons that professional
athletes
 should not be seen as good role models for
kids
.
However
, I believe that some of their
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
,
such
 as diligent efforts and their health, could be a good inspiration for
kids
.
Submitted by nattaporn.vibha on

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lexical resource
Avoid using informal language such as 'kids' or 'teenagers'. Use more formal terms like 'children' and 'youth'.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction and conclusion adequately summarize the main points and provide a clear stance on the issue.
grammatical range accuracy
Check the grammatical structure of your sentences.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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