IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

many people choose to move from rural areas to in search of better opportunities does this has more advantages or disadvantages for a country

#people #move #areas #search #opportunities #country
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It is
well recognized
Add a hyphen
well-recognized
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 that urban cities, per se, are attractive
for
Change preposition
to
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 many
people
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, today, more and more
people
Use synonyms
 tend to decide to move from rural
areas
Use synonyms
 to more urban cities to look for a better chance. Some
people
Use synonyms
 discuss whether
this
Linking Words
 tendency is positive or negative for a
country
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. Admitting that there are pros and cons to
this
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 inclination, depending on the value systems, the answer varies. All in all, I recognize
this
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 as
more
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having more
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 advantages,
Linking Words
whereas
Change preposition
while
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 understanding its
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
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.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, our economy generates more benefits in activated
areas
Use synonyms
 like urban cities.
This
Linking Words
 is because once many talented
people
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attracted
Add a missing verb
are attracted
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come
Verb problem
apply
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to urban
areas
Use synonyms
, their production must be sophisticated
apparently
Rephrase
apply
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, which itself makes those
areas
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’ quality higher, and,
as a result
Linking Words
, more and more
people
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 come to urban
areas
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.
This
Linking Words
 means the more urban
city's
Change noun form
city
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people
Use synonyms
 are, the more
this
Linking Words
 prominent circulation proceeds, which must be advantageous.
However
Linking Words
, denser populated urban
areas
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 have
risk
Add an article
a risk
the risk
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for
Change preposition
of
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its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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collapse. If there is a disaster, many talented
people
Use synonyms
 in that area may lose their lives. In that
case
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, its
country
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 must
get
Verb problem
apply
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lost
Wrong verb form
lose
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 its productivity significantly, and its revival takes quite a long time.
Therefore
Linking Words
, a
country
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 has to prepare for it not to let its
country
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’s
people
Use synonyms
 in danger in
case
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 of catastrophe.
To sum up
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,
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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more and more
people
Use synonyms
come
Wrong verb form
coming
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 to urban
areas
Use synonyms
 means
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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high productivity through collecting talented
people
Use synonyms
 but it
also
Linking Words
 has the disadvantage
to make
Change preposition
of making
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 them die in
case
Use synonyms
 of disaster.
However
Linking Words
, once a government
prepared
Wrong verb form
prepares
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 for its tragedy, the damage must be minimized, and its total economic outlook in that
country
Use synonyms
 must be better, compared to the
case
Use synonyms
 that talented
people
Use synonyms
 are scattered. Ergo, I regard
this
Linking Words
 tendency as more beneficial.
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

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task achievement
Consider providing a clearer stance on whether the advantages or disadvantages outweigh each other.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points.
grammatical range accuracy
Use more varied sentence structures to enhance your writing.
lexical resource
Review your use of vocabulary and aim to use more precise and appropriate terms.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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