IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Young people spend a lot of free time at mall, this can be negative. Do you agree or disagree?

Shopping mall has become a popular place for many
people
Use synonyms
 to spend their leisure
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is no exception for youngsters. Nowadays youngsters spend
their
Change the word
an
show examples
 excessive
amount
Use synonyms
 of
time
Use synonyms
 at the shopping
Use synonyms
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
. I strongly agree that
this
Linking Words
 can be perceived as negative because
not
Change preposition
of not
show examples
 only the consumerism behaviour they develop but
also
Linking Words
unproductive
Correct article usage
the unproductive
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
 they do.
First,
Linking Words
young
people
Use synonyms
 who spend
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
Use synonyms
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of
time
Use synonyms
 at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
shopping
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 are likely to develop consumerism
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
. As shopping
Use synonyms
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 offers a lot of shop wide ranging from
clothing
Add an article
a clothing
the clothing
show examples
 store, book store, and many others, they can get tempted to buy something out of their necessities.
This
Linking Words
 can result in learning
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
bad financial management as a habit. If
this
Linking Words
 habit is something they keep doing until
then
Linking Words
, they will get used to
waste
Wrong verb form
wasting
show examples
 their money on something out of their priorities and lack
on self consicence
Correct your spelling
self-confidence
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 managing their balance account. Another reason why
this
Linking Words
 can be seen as negative is they become unproductive. The shopping malls mostly offer
activities
Use synonyms
 that do not require young
people
Use synonyms
 to think and develop skills.
Activities
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as window shopping, going to arcades,
watching
Correct word choice
and watching
show examples
 movies at
cinema
Add an article
the cinema
show examples
 are
activities
Use synonyms
 that do not stimulate
people
Use synonyms
 to actively learn.
Thus
Linking Words
, these
activities
Use synonyms
 can cause young
people
Use synonyms
 to become unproductive and lack
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
self development
Add a hyphen
self-development
show examples
. In conclusion, spending leisure
time
Use synonyms
 at a shopping
Use synonyms
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 in a huge
amount
Use synonyms
 can cause young
people
Use synonyms
 to develop consumerism
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 and adopt
unproductive
Add an article
the unproductive
an unproductive
show examples
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
. I,
therefore
Linking Words
, remain firmly convinced that a massive
amount
Use synonyms
 of
time
Use synonyms
 at a shopping
Use synonyms
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 can affect youngsters in a bad way.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Make your ideas more connected and organized within each paragraph.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to ensure accuracy.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: