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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some parents and teachers think that children's behaviour should be strictly controlled. While some think that children should be free to behave. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#parents #teachers #children #behaviour #think
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Some individuals believe that it is essential to
control
children
's behaviour strictly.
However
, the other argue that
kids
 should be free to grow up. In my view, I agree with the latter. I tend to support the view that
kids
 should be free to behave.
To begin
 with, if
children
 are controlled by
parents
 or teachers strictly, they may have no opportunity to make decisions by themselves; after they grow up when they have to face some circumstances alone they may feel nervous since they want to rely on their
parents
 or teacher like they were
kids
. Another key consideration should be that because
children
's talents and interests are different if
parents
 do not give them an area to discover by themself, just let
kids
 learn something that they think fits their
kids
, so that
kids
 might have a bad childhood memory and miss their real talented things. Understandably, there are several reasons why people might argue that in childhood, strict
control
 is necessary. The primary reason they may point out is that
children
 cannot
control
 themselves,
such
 as playing computer games for a long time, coping with classmate's homework answers or sleeping in class. If these behaviours not be controlled, they may have a bad influence on their life.
Additionally
, there are
tons
Fix the agreement mistake
ton
show examples
 of information on the internet,
kids
Correct word choice
and kids
show examples
 without strict
control
 cannot distinguish the incorrect and bad things, like drugs and crime which will shape a bad foundation for
kids
.
However
, as far as I am concerned as long as
kids
 get a good education in school and with family, they could get the ability to distinguish information and
control
 themselves.
Overall
,
while
 in some ways it may seem reasonable that
control
 is necessary in childhood, I personally believe that
children
 should
control
 their own lives by themselves with the right lead by their
parents
 and teachers.
Submitted by yihualuo525 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider varying the sentence structures to enhance readability and maintain the reader's interest.
task achievement
Make sure to elaborate more with specific examples to strengthen and substantiate your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion which helps in maintaining a logical structure.
task achievement
You have addressed both views of the argument and provided a clear opinion, which demonstrates a comprehensive response to the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • boundaries
  • self-discipline
  • authority
  • future success
  • safeguard
  • consequences
  • harmful decisions
  • immaturity
  • independence
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • creativity
  • emotional well-being
  • rigid rules
  • explore interests
  • express themselves
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