IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some think governments should be responsible for providing retired people with financial assistance, while others believe individuals should make provisions for themselves. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Some would argue that governments should take care of retired
people
Use synonyms
 with financial problems,
while
Linking Words
 others say that humankind should provide for themselves. Despite the fact that the administration should allocate funds to
people
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 after
retirement
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, I believe that individuals should protect themselves. On the one hand, when
retirees
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 face financial problems, it is important for the
government
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 to step in and offer
assistance
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 to them.
This
Linking Words
 is to say, the
government
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 have a responsibility to provide a safety net for their citizens, especially those who have contributed to the system throughout their working lives.
Retirees
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 who face financial difficulties should not be left to struggle on their own, as they have already contributed to society.
For example
Linking Words
, Social Security is a
government
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 program that provides income support to
retirees
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. It is a vital source of financial
assistance
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 for many
retirees
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, men and women should advocate for themselves after
retirement
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.
In other words
Linking Words
,
people
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 should not be independent from anyone; they must do everything without help. By advocating for themselves,
retirees
Use synonyms
 strive to achieve financial independence during
retirement
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 means being self-reliant and not depending on external sources for income or support. It can lead to a sense of security, freedom, and peace of mind knowing that one has created a sustainable and stable financial future.
For instance
Linking Words
,
people
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 should build their own businesses before
retirement
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 because when retired
people
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 will not suffer from financial
assistance
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 and will not need help from the
government
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. I believe that it is more important to be separate than wait for help from society. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 the executive should make provisions for their citizens after their
retirement
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 age, many
people
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 will be dependent on
government
Use synonyms
assistance
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 and
this
Linking Words
 is why I believe they must be self-contained and solve their own problems themselves without anyone.

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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