IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Using a computer everyday can have more negative than positive effects on your children . Do you agree or disagree. Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#computer #effects #children #answers
Computers are becoming increasingly popular among all people, especially for children and students, whether it is study or entertainment. I totally agree with the statement that widespread use of computers has more negative impact rather than positive.
This
 essay will discuss the consequences of exceeding usage of electronic devices ,
such
 as physical health problems
as well as
computer
 addiction and losing control. First of all, after a long-term usage of a
computer
 or
laptop
Add a comma
laptop,
show examples
 there is a high chance of acquiring body diseases and eye illnesses. During
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 long day sitting in the wrong position, you may find yourself having neck or back pain and,
consequently
,
this
 pain will rise into
chronic
Add an article
a chronic
show examples
 disease, namely, osteochondrosis or scoliosis.
Moreover
, not only your body is suffering, but your eyes are becoming less accurate and ,
as a result
, you may
obtain
Verb problem
have
show examples
 eye illness, precisely, myopia.
For instance
, I am wearing glasses, after spending a year on online study and careless attention to my eyes.
Furthermore
, the majority of children have a
computer
 addiction and it is almost impossible to take the devices from them, especially in case it is time for video
games
. TV shows, cartoons and
computer
games
 have an enormous influence on the mental conditions of the child; nowadays cartoons are completely different from those which existed before and
games
 contain cruel plots and actions. There were an incredible amount of situations when guardians would take
games
 from teenagers and the child immediately created a scandal.
To conclude
, increasing
computer
 popularity has its pros and cons. They were created in order to make our lives easier and provide more accessible information;
however
, excessive usage can lead to physical and mental problems. Everything should be in the brackets of adequacy.
Submitted by aibiikenurlanova414 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Try to organize your essay with clear topic sentences in each paragraph.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and article usage.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: