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Band 5

Caring for children is probably the most important job in any society. Because of this, all mothers and fathers should be required to take a course that prepares them to be good parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

#children #job #society #mothers #fathers #course #parents
Childcare appears to be a pivotal task to communities and
parents
therefore
 should attend courses to be prepared for it. Personally, I completely disagree with forcing them to take lessons on how to be a good parent. For a variety of reasons, it would be wrong to make partners
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
be taught about the ways of child care
due to
 having competent child-raising in their society.
Firstly
, it is ridiculous to consider one method or way of being a proper mother or father because everyone and especially each family has its own personality and background so it would be useless to make up a single prescription for it.
Secondly
, raising a baby already contributes to time consumption until one of the
parents
even
Rephrase
apply
show examples
cannot pursue his or her career, not alone attend a compulsory class on how to get better. In my opinion, there are other tackles that could be taken to boost
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
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 level of knowledge about some psychologistic regulations through which they can raise a healthy child rather than taking some boring classes. Governments
for
Add the comma(s)
, for
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 instance, can support mothers or fathers with paid leaves for a period so that they can easily spend their time educating their children.
Furthermore
,
parents
 can be provided with online education and free written books to follow structures or would be consulted by professionals to prevent inappropriate methods if they are willing to. In conclusion, it would not be useful for
parents
 to be forced to take place on courses with some general parenting pieces of advice
while
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 there are other ways of raising healthy people.
Submitted by z.rajabi on

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task response
The essay provides adequate structure and organization, but there are some issues with coherence and task achievement. The response is generally relevant but lacks clarity and specific examples. More precise and focused examples will improve task achievement and clear comprehensive ideas.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally good, with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, there are some coherence and cohesion issues, such as unclear transitions and connections between ideas. Use cohesive devices more effectively and ensure that each paragraph connects logically with the next.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and lexical resource usage. However, there are some instances of imprecise word choice and repetitive language. Use a wider variety of vocabulary and avoid repetitive expressions to enhance the lexical resource.
grammatical range
The grammatical range and accuracy are generally strong, but there are some errors in sentence structure and word form. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and sentence structure to ensure greater grammatical accuracy and variety.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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