IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many students find it difficult to focus or pay attention at school nowadays. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?

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At the present
time
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, most students are facing a hard
time
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 concentrating at school. It is very common to get distracted from the work or study you are involved in especially if you lack
interest
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.
Furthermore
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,
involving
Wrong verb form
being involved
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 in different activities at the same
time
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also
Linking Words
 affects the level of attentiveness in an individual.
This
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 essay will discuss the above-mentioned causes in detail and provide feasible solutions.
Firstly
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, in
this
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 modern
time
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, everyone has access to the internet and holds their private smartphone from an early age. It's comparatively easier for a young mind to get influenced by actors, gamers, YouTubers and so on.
As a result
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, they want to pursue the same fields, lacking
interest
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 in study which makes
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 difficult to
pay
Verb problem
apply
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focus on the subject matter.
In addition
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
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 are nowadays pressured a lot to be versatile leading towards
hectic
Correct article usage
a hectic
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 day-to-day life
schedule
Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
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.
For instance
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, attending different extra classes
such
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 as swimming, dancing, singing and many more from morning to evening.
Hence
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, the
children
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 are tired and lack the proper amount of rest or sleep,
for
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this
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 reason, it's difficult to focus in the classrooms. To tackle the above-mentioned problem, the parents have a crucial role to play. , limiting their
children
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's screen
time
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, and access to private mobile phones only at a mature age, motivating and guiding them in the correct path
protecting
Correct word choice
and protecting
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 them from the distraction of glam lifestyles.
Moreover
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
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 should not be forced into multiple activities that can result in futile outcomes. Helping them find their actual
interest
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 and focusing on that specific task can be beneficial to excel in that activity
as well as
Linking Words
 maintaining focus in school. In conclusion, the pressure on the student to be an all-rounder leading towards a fatigue lifestyle and influence of social media, and a lack of
interest
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 in studying are the major reasons for distraction. It can be resolved with little effort from parents.

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task achievement
The essay lacks a clear thesis statement in the introduction. It is important to clearly state the main ideas that will be discussed in the essay.
task achievement
The essay could benefit from more specific examples to support the ideas presented.
task achievement
The essay would benefit from a more balanced argument. Currently, it is heavily focused on the role of parents and does not consider other potential factors contributing to the problem.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally clear, but some sentences could be rearranged for improved coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks transitions between paragraphs. It would be helpful to use linking words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas.
lexcial resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, but there are a few errors and some phrases could be more concise.
grammatical range accuracy
The essay shows a good command of grammar, but there are a few errors in subject-verb agreement and article usage.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • distractions
  • focus
  • pay attention
  • lack of interest
  • motivation
  • fatigue
  • sleep
  • classroom environment
  • teaching methods
  • technology addiction
  • social media
  • peer pressure
  • workload
  • support
  • active learning strategies
  • engaging
  • student-centered teaching
  • realistic goals
  • rewards
  • balanced lifestyle
  • screen time
  • breaks
  • physical activity
  • support and guidance
What to do next:
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