IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some children have to live at different places during their childhood because of transferable jobs from their parents. What are the advantages and disadvantages of living in different places in childhood on child development?

#children #places #childhood #jobs #parents #child #development
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There is a trend in which
children
Use synonyms
 have to live in various places in their childhood since their parents possess jobs that require instant displacements.
This
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 essay attempts to shed light on both
merits
Correct article usage
the merits
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 and demerits of
this
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 tendency on the development of
children
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, living in various locations could have plenty of benefits for the character development of a child. By being exposed to various cultures during their childhood,
children
Use synonyms
 could have great opportunities to enrich their life experience and hone their practical skills,
such
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 as communications and linguistics, which would be significantly helpful as they enter
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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adulthood.
For example
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, living in various Western countries would help young
Asian
Fix the agreement mistake
Asians
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 are under 18 develop their English skills and acquire insights into Western cultures.
This
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 knowledge would act as a motivator for them to be more confident later in their life.
On the other hand
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, I firmly believe that changing their living environment has an adverse bearing on the growth of
children
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. One rationale is the requirement of rapid adaptability. Moving to a different environment often requires youngsters to instantly adopt new habits and make new friends, which might be daunting for introverts, thereby even leading to serious mental health issues,
such
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 as depression or mental breakdown. Another justification is the loss of closed relationships.
For example
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, changing their school many times would make teenagers struggle to find close friends, which may still occur when they grow up making it harder for them to have supportive relationships.
This
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,
as a result
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, would take a heavy toll on the social life of
children
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. In conclusion,
while
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 acknowledging the profound impacts of living in various environments on a child, I would contend that it could bring about serious repercussions.
Submitted by mreye313 on

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction.
task achievement
Provide more detailed supporting examples for the advantages and disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
Make your main points more explicit and provide clear transitions between paragraphs.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to verb tenses and prepositions in your sentences.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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