IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that the only way to relax is rest or sleep, while others say people need to do exercise or sport to relax. Discuss both view points and give your own opinion.

#people #rest #exercise #sport #points
Relaxation is considered to be vital in
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 individual's busy lifestyle. Though, quite a few individuals prefer to relax in a calm way,
while
 others tend to ease by doing some kind of physical activity. A discussion of
this
 ideology
as well as
 my thoughts will be highlighted in
this
 write-up.
Firstly
, in
this
day
 and age, people look forward to the time in a
day
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 they can ease off their stress.
Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even though
, there are many ways , one among them is to sleep and get energised .
In addition
 to that , few others tend to just be stable without doing anything
be
Correct word choice
and be
show examples
 calm without any distractions.
For instance
 , old-aged people tend to wake up very early in the morning
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a
day
-to-
day
 basis , so they tend to become tired around the afternoon time. Eventually , they take
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 afternoon nap to decrease their tension .
Likewise
, few adults usually
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
 generation navigate more towards
physical
Add an article
the physical
a physical
show examples
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 of relaxing.
Moreover
, they will visit gyms or any kind of training centres to generate more positive
enerygy
Correct your spelling
energy
.
In addition
 to that , those who are
atheletic
Correct your spelling
athletic
 enough tend to engage in some kind of sports like badminton or swimming . Another reason is that it
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 them feel that they have done something for themselves.
For example
, my brother has a routine of visiting the gym and swimming on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
 basis, just so
to
Correct word choice
as to
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 acquire the relaxation he
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 for the
day
 from the pressure of work . In
my
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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conclusion, relaxation depends on the
individuals
Change noun form
individual's
show examples
 need and the amount of tension they have undergone.
This
 is imperative for
mental
Correct article usage
the mental
show examples
 health and physical health of the population. Relaxing can
also
 evoke their performance for the next
day
 . Office and school authorities should dedicate a specific time in their
day
-to-
day
 schedule to alleviate the pressure created.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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