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Writing Samples
Band 4

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this probleSm?

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Engaging in
a
Remove the article
apply
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physical activity on
day-to-day
Add an article
a day-to-day
show examples
 basis is a debatable topic worldwide
in
Change preposition
at
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 the present
time
Use synonyms
. The increased work tension
contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
show examples
 to the lack of
time
Use synonyms
 to spend on physical exercise . Decreased workload might enable individuals to spend some
time
Use synonyms
 on their
health
Use synonyms
.The discussion of
this
Linking Words
 issue will be highlighted in
this
Linking Words
 write-up. In
this
Linking Words
 modern era, there is
increased
Correct article usage
an increased
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 workload and companies require a lot from their employees .
As a result
Linking Words
 , individuals spend a lot of
time
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
getting the designated tasks done and they
tend
Add the particle
tend to
show examples
 eat unhealthy foods to get through their stress .
Therefore
Linking Words
, stress eating and workers being stable in one place for a long period of
time
Use synonyms
, uplifts various
health
Use synonyms
 problems.
For instance
Linking Words
, employees working in IT companies,tend to sit in one place for a long period of
time
Use synonyms
 and eat
calorie dense
Add a hyphen
calorie-dense
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 processed foods like chips will lead to various
health
Use synonyms
 problems causing back pain and
stomach related
Add a hyphen
stomach-related
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 issues like ulcers.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 , it totally depends upon the individual's perspective and how they want to live their life either in an unhealthy or healthy way. Exercising and engaging in some kind of physical exercise is imperative in order to have a healthy lifestyle.
However
Linking Words
, people must learn how to manage their work schedule and allocate some
time
Use synonyms
 for exercising or going to the gym .
This
Linking Words
 will not only improve them physically but will
also
Linking Words
 help them to destress from their work and have a healthy mindset.
For instance
Linking Words
 , many youngsters nowadays have
an
Change the article
a
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 habit of waking up early in the morning and
visit
Wrong verb form
visiting
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 the gym to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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enagage
Correct your spelling
engage
 in cardio and weightlifting sessions to feel energised for the day and to stay away from any
Use synonyms
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
 issues. In my conclusion, being active is conventional for a healthy lifestyle.
Individual's
Change the noun form
Individuals
Individual
show examples
 must be conscious
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 what they eat, how they eat and what they do to be more physically active . In
this
Linking Words
 day and age , fitness plays a crucial role in alleviating various
health
Use synonyms
 issues .
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 , people
also
Linking Words
 must be aware of the detrimental
effecta
Correct your spelling
effects
effect
 of leading an unhealthy lifestyle.

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structure
Provide a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize the main points of the essay.
content
Provide more specific and comprehensive ideas related to the reasons why working people do not get enough exercise.
content
Support your main points with more specific examples and evidence.
content
Make sure to address the second part of the prompt: what can be done about this problem?
language
Use a wider range of vocabulary and more varied sentence structures.
language
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to ensure clarity and accuracy.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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