IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people suggest that childern do not understand the world of work and schools should make all teenagers spend a short time working as well as studying academic subjects. To what extent do you agree?

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In general, adults think that
children
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 should only devote their
time
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 to studying and gaining excellent qualifications, anyhow, few people think in the opposite way which should let
children
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 experience both working and studying simultaneously. In my opinion, I strongly agree with the idea of working and studying at the same
time
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 for
children
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, somehow to let
kids
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 totally dive themselves into studying can
also
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 be beneficial in equal measures
Firstly
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, I acknowledge that, in some ways, spending full-
time
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 studying can be beneficial.
To begin
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 with, one of the main tasks of
children
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 is to complete the role of a student which is studying, as it brings them knowledge and plenty of useful lessons which will be applied when they grow up.
As a result
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, spending full-
time
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 studying can help them to perfectly achieve good qualifications and become an intellectual person in the community.
Also
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, studying can help teenagers to establish good habits like reading books and keeping up with social interactions. A child,
for example
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, who loves studying, as he or she encounters an academic environment, in some way, they try as hard as they can to keep up with the degree of studying of others.
On the other hand
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, I agree with the concept of letting
children
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 experience working and studying at the same
time
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 as it positively
affect
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affects
show examples
 them. Theoretically, working can help them reinforce theories which they learned at school. Only reading and learning the tedious lessons without practising can lead to the diminishing of the ability to remember and fully understand them.
Additionally
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 , working can help
kids
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 develop dependence and confidence.
Children
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,
for instance
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, learn and can successfully apply to real life, they find themselves valuable as they could have done a certain job,
hence
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 building a dependent life in
kids
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 at
early
Add an article
an early
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 age. In conclusion, even though letting
kids
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 diving in only studying can be beneficial, I agree with the idea of letting them work and study at the same
time
Use synonyms

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introduction
Be sure to clearly introduce your essay with a thesis statement that specifies your position on the given topic. This sets clear expectations for the reader.
paragraph structure
Develop each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that states the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea with explanations, examples, or evidence.
cohesion
Link your ideas using transitional words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments. This enhances the logical flow and coherence of your essay.
task response
Ensure you directly answer the essay question and clearly express the extent of your agreement or disagreement in the introduction and conclusion. This addresses task achievement more effectively.
examples
Include more varied and specific examples to support your arguments. This not only strengthens your points but also demonstrates a deeper understanding of the topic.
balanced argument
Keep a balance in discussing both sides of the argument. While it's good to state your position, exploring opposing viewpoints shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
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