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Band 5.5

Schools should focus on academic success and passing examinations. Skills such as cookery, dressmaking and woodwork should not be taught at school as it is better to learn these from family and friends. To that extent do you agree or disagree

#schools #focus #success #examinations #skills #cookery #woodwork #school #friends
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Many people believe that
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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 must fully focus on academic work rather than teaching the
students
Use synonyms
 the basics of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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other skills. Personally, I strongly disagree with that the best way to learn
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
would be with family and friends
Linking Words
due to
Change preposition
for
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 different reasons. on the one hand,
students
Use synonyms
 often have a range of 7 hours a day at school, which is a considerable amount of time and it should not be about academic learning only, because we need
students
Use synonyms
 to be able to participate in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social work which is required to build an aware generation. A good example
to
Change preposition
of
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that is
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, a recent study conducted in the city of Jeddah illustrates that schools that teach their
students
Use synonyms
the
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apply
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social work tend to have more productive
students
Use synonyms
 than schools that do not.
Furthermore
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, families and friends are not supposed to have the knowledge needed to educate others, because
such
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 vital skills like woodwork can only be taught by experienced people to not cause any harm to the person.
For instance
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, a friend of mine once was telling me his story about how he learned the woodwork, he said that they went on a trip to a village near the city where he lives,
his
Correct word choice
and his
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 father needed to cut the wood to start a fire but was unable because the lack of skill he had, all of the sudden his math teacher showed up and luckily he was there, he knew the basics of cutting the wood so he helped them. In conclusion,
while
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 people believe that learning skills
such
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 as dressmaking, cookery, and woodwork from school has no ideal benefit, I completely disagree with the claim
due to
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 the various
of
Change preposition
apply
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logical reasons.
Submitted by f23o6a on

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coherence cohesion
Develop your main points further and provide more detailed explanations.
task achievement
Consider including counterarguments to strengthen your position.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and vary sentence structures.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to the agreement between subjects and verbs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic success
  • passing examinations
  • cookery
  • dressmaking
  • woodwork
  • learn from family and friends
  • personalized learning environment
  • supportive learning environment
  • well-rounded education
  • school curriculum
  • resources
  • expert guidance
  • enhance creativity
  • problem-solving
  • teamwork
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