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Band 4.5

prisons are an expensive way of making bad people worse to what extent do you agree or disagree

#prisons #people
I strongly believe that
this
 academy is best suited for me because
this
university
 was established in 1828 and is one of the oldest universities in the UK.
This
university
 has received 5 QS stars in excellent
facilities
, the various
facilities
 provided by
this
university
such
 as 3D scanning, an Additive manufacturing laboratory, an Advanced composites workshop, an Advertising studio, an Aerospace workshop, an Alston observatory, Analytical laboratories and many more. Even though
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 all the information provided on the
university
 website is very clear
therefore
 everyone can understand it very easily.
Additionally
,
this
 academy's vision is very clear that the institution delivers excellence in research and knowledge exchange.
Moreover
, the work your
university
 engages in will bring about social, economic, cultural and academic impact in collaboration with national and global communities, and place public and private organizations.
This
university
 runs various subjects like accounting and finance, aerospace engineering, archaeology, architecture, art, design and fashion, astronomy and many more which is very useful for any international student. Meanwhile,
this
 institute is 3rd in the northwest in the 2023 national student survey gave positive feedback and
also
 provides some
facilities
 like the lowest cost of living, medical
facilities
, affordable accommodation and future planning.
Submitted by er.lerulal on

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task achievement
The essay does not address the given topic. The response talks about a university's facilities and courses rather than discussing the statement about prisons. Make sure to stay on topic and address the prompt.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks coherence and cohesion. There is no clear logical structure in the response, and the information provided is not organized coherently. Make sure to organize your ideas logically and use appropriate linking words to connect your ideas.
lexical resource
The essay lacks specific vocabulary related to the topic of prisons. Try to use more relevant and specific vocabulary to discuss the given topic.
grammatical range accuracy
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including errors in verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and word order. Review your grammar and sentence structure to improve accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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