Today children spend a lot of their free time watching TV. Do advantage outweigh the disadvantages if this practice?
It has been argued that children watch Television for long hours in their spare
time
, this
activity will bring
Verb problem
has
negative
impact Correct article usage
a negative
to
their Change preposition
on
health
and children do not have productive time
.
It is not benefited
for kids to use their leisure Replace the word
beneficial
time
in front of Television
, it is better for them to use their Correct article usage
the Television
time
in productive
way. They can do useful activities which bring Change the article
a productive
positive
impact Correct article usage
a positive
for
themselves. A great example is reading books, by reading many books they can gain Change preposition
on
broaden
knowledge and useful information for themselves. In Replace the word
broad
this
way, their time
will be more useful rather than watching. In addition
to that, kids can join volunteer activities to gain experiences, and they can bland in the societies. Children will learn live-lessons
and Correct your spelling
live lessons
improved
their social Wrong verb form
improve
skill
by joining volunteers.
Another drawback Fix the agreement mistake
skills
from
sitting for many hours in from of Change preposition
of
TV
is Correct article usage
the TV
health
issue
. Pupils do not have Fix the agreement mistake
issues
time
to do exercises during their busy days at schools
, and Fix the agreement mistake
school
then
, in
Change preposition
at
their
Change the word
the
weekend
, they sit for long hours Fix the agreement mistake
weekends
for
watching. It is inevitable that students will gain obesity Change preposition
apply
duo
to Correct your spelling
due
this
life-style
. SoCorrect your spelling
lifestyle
that
, pupils should care about their Correct word choice
apply
health
by doing exercises in their spare time
. Furthermore
, it is not necessaries
to join Replace the word
necessary
in
any Change preposition
apply
sport
clubs or go to the gym. Young people can start their activities at home by working in their gardens or cleaning their houses.
As aforementioned above, the disadvantages of watching TV Change the noun form
sports
are
outweigh the Unnecessary verb
apply
benefit
duo to several reasons, those are Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
health
issues and not productive
Add a missing verb
having productive
time
. So, it is generally mentioned by many people that using
our Wrong verb form
we use
time
properly and doing
useful Wrong verb form
do
activity
for ourselves.Fix the agreement mistake
activities
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on
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task achievement
The essay lacks a clear thesis statement. Make sure to clearly state your opinion on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
The supporting points in each paragraph need to be expanded and explained further to develop a more cohesive and well-supported argument.
task achievement
Provide specific examples and evidence to support your arguments. This will make your points more convincing and strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion is too brief. Summarize your main points and restate your opinion in a more detailed manner.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay. This will make your writing more sophisticated and engaging.
grammatical range accuracy
There are some grammatical errors in your essay. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and the correct use of prepositions.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.