IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think that watching sports in one's free time is just waste of time. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #sports #time #waste
In
this
 busy life, most people need some interest for spending
time
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and experiencing a new pursuit.
However
, some argue that watching
football
 on break is simply a waste of
time
. I absolutely disagree with
this
 statement, there is nothing wrong with it.
In contrast
, it could be used to improve our business skills.
Firstly
, the context says that spending free
time
 on the game is completely useless, can that be partially right? Of course not, it can be proved that computer games, which include sports games can improve your language skills and raise interest in sports.
For example
,
according to
 the United States
football
 team, most
football
 players say they have gained interest from games.
In addition
, observing sports is not only a great source of entertainment but
also
 can learn some new crucial knowledge about that game.
Thus
, contemplating a game during break hour is not a complete loss of that occasion.
Secondly
, it is
also
 true that we can spend our break hours developing our business skills to become successful.
For instance
, I used my spare
time
 at my school to read history books, which led to my history in a short
time
.
Moreover
, it
also
 helps us to get more ideas related to our business, which could
resulted
Change the verb form
result
show examples
 in a positive effect on our common life.
As a result
, I reiterate that spending a spare hour watching
football
 is not a complete waste of
time
 but
also
 we could use
such
 a session to accomplish given tasks.
However
, usage of our break
time
 is fully dependent on our own interests.
Submitted by nejla.abdullayeva on

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Expression & Grammar
Consider revising your essay for slight inaccuracies in expression and grammar to enhance clarity. Minor errors can distract from your overall message.
Supporting Examples
Ensure examples are directly linked to the argument you're making. This strengthens the impact of your evidence.
Transition Use
While your essay has a clear structure, aim to make transitions between paragraphs smoother. This will improve the flow of your argument.
Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion clearly define your standpoint, which is excellent for the reader's understanding.
Examples & Explanations
You provided a variety of examples and explanations to support your points, making your argument more convincing.
Logical Structure
The logical structure of your essay effectively guides the reader through your argument, demonstrating good coherence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • communal unity
  • stress relief
  • economic impact
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • emotional investment
  • teamwork
  • discipline
  • healthier lifestyle
  • fantasy sports
  • interactive experience
  • leisure activities
  • personal development
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