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Band 4.5

Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they are released from prison. What do you think is the cause for this? What a possible solution can you suggest?

#criminals #crimes #prison
The high
rate
 of
criminals
commit
Wrong verb form
committing
show examples
 more
crimes
 after being released from jail is reportedly increasing. The underlying cause for
this
 is that the
punishment
 given to the
offenders
 is not strong enough yet it can be tackled by implementing a psychological approach for the
criminals
. The principal cause of the
criminals
commit
Wrong verb form
committing
show examples
crimes
 again is the weight of the
punishment
. It must be recognized that after a long time of rehabilitation in prison, a lot of
criminals
 will
reget
Correct your spelling
regret
show examples
 their
crimes
 and hope to have a chance to commence their lives again
as well as
 to integrate into society after being
realeased
Correct your spelling
released
.
Consequently
, the judges will sentence the
punishment
 as lightly as possible to create opportunities for the
delinquents
 to be soon released to implement their goals. In turn, a small part of
offenders
 who are not remorseful about their
crimes
 will seemingly utilize
this
 situation to commit more
crimes
 to show their antisocial behaviours toward the world.
This
 is true in India, where, the
rate
 of criminal recidivism is worsening
due to
 the lack of seriousness in punishing the
criminals
 which is indicated through the light
punishment
 of the government.
However
, a solution can be found in the government's action toward the
criminals
. The most effective approach is to recruit some psychologists and require them to create a test for the
offenders
 to check comprehensively their psychology. Notwithstanding making a check, that test must show their personality traits, the way they utilize their brain when they commit a crime
as well as
 thoughts about their
crimes
.
As a result
, lawyers and public
procentors
Correct your spelling
prosecutors
precentors
 can use
this
 result as reliable proof to sentence the
delinquents
. Take the USA as an example here, where the authorities apply a psychological system in trying a case process to advance the accuracy in punishing
delinquents
.
Therefore
, the high
rate
 of recidivism of
criminals
 stems from putting light
punishment
toward
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
offenders
.
Nevertheless
, implementing psychology for
delinquents
 will deter the
rate
 of committing
crimes
 again.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly states your position on the topic and provides an overview of your main points. Also, include a conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your position.
task achievement
Provide specific examples and evidence to support your ideas. This will make your essay more convincing and demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic.
lexical resource
Use more varied and precise vocabulary throughout the essay to enhance your lexical resource.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to improve your grammatical range and accuracy.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Rehabilitation
  • Reintegrate
  • Social stigma
  • Recidivism
  • Criminal records
  • Ex-offender
  • Associations
  • Comprehensive
  • Workforce
  • Mentoring
  • Incentivize
  • Stigmatize
  • Subsidies
  • Legitimate
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