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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they are released from prison. What do you think is the cause for this? What a possible solution can you suggest?

#criminals #crimes #prison
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The high
rate
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 of
criminals
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commit
Wrong verb form
committing
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 more
crimes
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 after being released from jail is reportedly increasing. The underlying cause for
this
Linking Words
 is that the
punishment
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 given to the
offenders
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 is not strong enough yet it can be tackled by implementing a psychological approach for the
criminals
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. The principal cause of the
criminals
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commit
Wrong verb form
committing
show examples
crimes
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 again is the weight of the
punishment
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. It must be recognized that after a long time of rehabilitation in prison, a lot of
criminals
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 will
reget
Correct your spelling
regret
show examples
 their
crimes
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 and hope to have a chance to commence their lives again
as well as
Linking Words
 to integrate into society after being
realeased
Correct your spelling
released
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the judges will sentence the
punishment
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 as lightly as possible to create opportunities for the
delinquents
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 to be soon released to implement their goals. In turn, a small part of
offenders
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 who are not remorseful about their
crimes
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 will seemingly utilize
this
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 situation to commit more
crimes
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 to show their antisocial behaviours toward the world.
This
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 is true in India, where, the
rate
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 of criminal recidivism is worsening
due to
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 the lack of seriousness in punishing the
criminals
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 which is indicated through the light
punishment
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 of the government.
However
Linking Words
, a solution can be found in the government's action toward the
criminals
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. The most effective approach is to recruit some psychologists and require them to create a test for the
offenders
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 to check comprehensively their psychology. Notwithstanding making a check, that test must show their personality traits, the way they utilize their brain when they commit a crime
as well as
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 thoughts about their
crimes
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.
As a result
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, lawyers and public
procentors
Correct your spelling
prosecutors
precentors
 can use
this
Linking Words
 result as reliable proof to sentence the
delinquents
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. Take the USA as an example here, where the authorities apply a psychological system in trying a case process to advance the accuracy in punishing
delinquents
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.
Therefore
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, the high
rate
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 of recidivism of
criminals
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 stems from putting light
punishment
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toward
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
offenders
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.
Nevertheless
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, implementing psychology for
delinquents
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 will deter the
rate
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 of committing
crimes
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 again.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly states your position on the topic and provides an overview of your main points. Also, include a conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your position.
task achievement
Provide specific examples and evidence to support your ideas. This will make your essay more convincing and demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic.
lexical resource
Use more varied and precise vocabulary throughout the essay to enhance your lexical resource.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to improve your grammatical range and accuracy.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Rehabilitation
  • Reintegrate
  • Social stigma
  • Recidivism
  • Criminal records
  • Ex-offender
  • Associations
  • Comprehensive
  • Workforce
  • Mentoring
  • Incentivize
  • Stigmatize
  • Subsidies
  • Legitimate
What to do next:
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