In some countries, a high proportion of criminals acts are committed by teenagers. Why is it the case? What is the solution?

#countries #proportion #criminals #acts #teenagers #case

The rate of juvenile delinquency around the globe is increasing moderately. The root cause for

this

is the virtue and manner of nurturers in daily life, yet it can be solved by authorities enforcing parents to take responsibility for their offspring by a legal contract. The principal cause of lawless teenagers is the instinct to take parents as models. To gain insight into the problem, children imitate their nurturers’ behaviour belong with attitude. Provided that they are influenced adversely by anti-social behaviour from adults, they will perceive those as acceptable one which is thought to act regularly.

Consequently

, the youth will lose legal obligation and commit a crime recklessly afterwards.

This

is true in poverty circumstances, underprivileged residents suffer from starvation that forces them to steal food to survive leading their offspring to act the same.

However

, a solution can be found in authorities’ actions towards parental skills. The most effective approach that set up a law for every household, nurturers must guarantee with a legal commitment that their children will not harm social security. In case they go back on their word, they will get fined or even, in the worst case, lose custody of the offspring who will be sent to other supervisors from the authorities.

As a result

this

strict treatment of the residents will tighten their social consistency, especially decreasing the rate of crime among the youth. Take the UK as a prime example, the adults have to be in charge of any offspring acts affecting the whole community. In conclusion, juvenile delinquency stems from adults showing bad manners beyond children in daily life.

Nevertheless

, forcing parents to be accountable for their offspring will enhance law-abiding consistency around the globe.

Submitted by 11E4 Community on Sun Oct 15 2023

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coherence cohesion

The logical structure of the essay is weak. There is a lack of clear topic sentences and supporting evidence in the body paragraphs.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present, but they are brief and lack clarity.

task achievement

The essay lacks specific examples and specific details to support the main points.

task achievement

The essay addresses the prompt, but the ideas could be more developed and organized.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

284 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In some countries, a high proportion of criminals acts are committed by teenagers. Why is it the case? What is the solution?

Fully explain your ideas

You shoud spend about 40 minutes on this task. In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative developmant?

Some people think women should be allowed to join the army, the navy and the air force just like men. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?