There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a results, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree

The curriculum requirements for academic achievement are often debatable. Some people argue that in order to succeed academically, extra-curricular subjects

such

Linking Words

as cooking

lessons

Use synonyms

and physical education must be excluded from the scheduled syllabus to achieve academic excellence. In my opinion, I firmly disagree with

this

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argument , and

this

Linking Words

essay will explain my views with relevant examples.

To begin

Linking Words

with, teaching about health and fitness in schools is vital for the future of the younger generations.

This

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is because engaging in physical activities helps children to stay active and healthy, which in turn improves their concentration not only in games but

also

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in studies.

As a result

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, individuals can achieve academic excellence

as well as

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avoid health-related concerns

such

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as obesity and diabetes, which are caused

due to

Linking Words

the lack of physical education.

For example

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, a recent survey revealed that 75% of students who are actively engaging in additional sports activities at schools are achieving higher grades compared to those who are not involved in

such

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classes.

Therefore

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, I strongly believe that schools should inculcate fitness learning for the

overall

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well-being of the students.

Secondly

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, learning cooking

lessons

Use synonyms

in classes is one of the survival

skills

Use synonyms

that helps children to prepare meals for themselves. It is highly crucial for them to learn

such

Linking Words

skills

Use synonyms

because they enable them to face real-world

challenges

Punctuation problem

challenges,

show examples

as they are not dependent on someone to prepare food.

Furthermore

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, progress in

life

Use synonyms

is not just determined by academic qualifications; it's a combination of practical

life

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lessons

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and academic knowledge, which enables

them

Correct pronoun usage

one

show examples

to achieve success in real

life

Use synonyms

For instance

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, in 1965, the Indian educational system was restructured to include cooking

lessons

Use synonyms

as they determined it was one of the needed

skills

Use synonyms

that everyone should have knowledge of. In conclusion, I strongly believe that non-academic subjects

such

Linking Words

as physical literacy and cookery classes are important for students as they enable them to stay healthy and learn

life

Use synonyms

skills

Use synonyms

to accomplish success when they are exposed to the real world.

jeeanay

Dec 20, 2025

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task response

Task response: Your view is clear and you give reasons that non‑academic subjects are useful. Some ideas need stronger link to your claim. Try to state your main point early in each paragraph and show how it helps your goal.

task response

Task response: Add stronger proof for your points. Use clear facts or easy, real examples. The 1965 Indian example is not clear. Pick simple, true examples you know well.

coherence

Coherence: Use a clear plan. Each paragraph should have one main idea and a short sentence that states it. Use linking words to move from one idea to the next.

coherence

Coherence: Keep sentences short and easy. Avoid long lines of words. Check punctuation to avoid run‑on sentences.

grammar

Grammar/Lexis: Some phrases are odd, like 'caused due to'. Use 'caused by'.

examples

Examples: The examples should be easy to see and help the point. Use simple, real life cases you know.

content

Clear view that non‑academic topics have value for health and life skills.

structure

Some planning with intro, body and conclusion.

relevance

Linking ideas with words helps the flow of the essay.

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13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

334 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Holistic development
Balanced curriculum
Stress reduction
Mental well-being
Life skills
Time management
Teamwork
Diverse talents
Childhood obesity
Sedentary lifestyles
Employability
Job market demands
Creativity
Problem-solving
Academic pressures
Non-academic subjects
Curriculum design
Physical health
Independence
Personal development

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