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Band 4

Some people say that parents should place restrictions on the time their children spend watching TV and playing games and encourage them to spend this time reading books. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #parents #place #restrictions #time #children #tv #games #books
These days, children have become increasingly
addcited
Correct your spelling
addicted
 to
television
,
games
, and
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
. Some individuals reckon that parents should limit their pupil's
time
spending
Replace the word
spent
show examples
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
these entertainment
Change the determiner
this entertainment
these entertainments
show examples
,
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 I definitely agree with the statement. In
this
 essay, the reason to support my point of view will be elaborated on
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 following paragraphs. Juveniles who spend too much
time
 playing video
games
, watching
television
, and scrolling mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 are likely to suffer from health problems. First of all, their eyes can get
injuried
Correct your spelling
injured
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the blue light that
releases
Wrong verb form
is released
show examples
 from the electrical screens.
According to
 the statistical
datas
Correct your spelling
data
, 90
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of kids who play
games
 for more than 7 hours
a days
Correct the article-noun agreement
days
a day
show examples
 properly
wears
Correct subject-verb agreement
wear
show examples
 glasses
due to
 eyes problem.
Furthermore
, the performance of
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 or
remember
Wrong verb form
remembering
show examples
 a lesson can be reduced because these kids spend more
time
 with entertainment rather than concentrating
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 lecture.
In addition
,
addicted
Add a missing verb
being addicted
show examples
 to
television
 or video
games
 can lead to desocialization. As these kids
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 likely to isolate themselves from friends and family, they do not know how to be in
relationship
Correct article usage
a relationship
show examples
 with others, which will make their life difficult in the future. From my experience, during
highschools
Correct your spelling
high school
show examples
 closure , I played online
games
 for more than 8 hours
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 and quarantined myself in my personal room. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result, I had
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
severe conflict with my mother and father almost
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
, which led to a toxic relationship
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 my family. In conclusion, too much watching
television
 and playing
games
 adversely affect children's health
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and socialization.
Therefore
, parents should impose
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rules to limit
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 these useless activities
otherwise
these entertainment
Change the determiner
this entertainment
these entertainments
show examples
 can ruin our pupils'
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Submitted by pantamitsaekong on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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