IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people feel that the private lives of celebrities should not be openly shared by the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Many people argue that the
media
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 often
expose
Correct subject-verb agreement
exposes
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 public
figures
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' personal
lives
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 to the world. Being a well-known person sometimes can be uncomfortable, especially having the paparazzi or the
media
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 following to dig up some interesting news to share with the audience. I personally agree that the
media
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 should not pry into celebrities ' personal
lives
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. To start with, the
media
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 often distributes news
such
Linking Words
 as celebrities’ household
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
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, love
life
Replace the word
lives
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, and others. These kinds of information are entertaining for the public to read and hear,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
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such
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 information
are
Change the verb form
is
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celebrities’
Change preposition
about celebrities’
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 private life matters
where
Correct word choice
that
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 fans and
media
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 should not have either known or meddled with. Some of the bigger celebrities, usually, have a huge fan base and they would dare to attack one’s who made the celebrity upset by sending some threats, exposing one's past crime or personal information to cyberspace. The impact of public
figures
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' personal
lives
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 being concealed by the
media
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are
Change the verb form
is
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 making fans and stalkers potentially visit their dwelling and follow them everywhere they go, putting the public
figures
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 in an uncomfortable and unsafe situation.
Furthermore
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, people would do crazy things in order to achieve their goal,
such
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 as kidnapping a child of a public figure in order to receive an autograph, a photo together, or a huge ransom since most celebrities are known to be wealthy.
To conclude
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, the
media
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 should stop sharing the personal
lives
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 of public
figures
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 since it can
leave
Verb problem
have
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 a negative impact on them, making them feel unsafe and having strangers wanting to get involved in their matters.

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coherence cohesion
Add a clear thesis statement in the introduction to clearly state your position.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas and provide more reasons to support your arguments.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your writing.
grammatical range accuracy
Watch out for errors in grammar and sentence structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Invasion of privacy
  • Media scrutiny
  • Public persona
  • Personal autonomy
  • Sensationalism
  • Paparazzi
  • Tabloid journalism
  • Right to privacy
  • Mental well-being
  • Public interest
  • Ethical journalism
  • Celebrity culture
  • Gossip columns
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