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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

This graph shows the changes in food consumption by Chinese people between 1985 and 2010.

This graph shows the changes in food consumption by Chinese people between 1985 and 2010.
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The given line graph demonstrates
shift
Add an article
a shift
the shift
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 in food eating habits by Chinese people in
period
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a period
the period
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of
Change preposition
between
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 1985 and 2010. In 25 years the amount of used salt in food has dropped significantly,
Linking Words
nevertheless
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nevertheless,
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 Chinese citizens have started to consume more meat and
fish
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. The quantity of
fish
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 consumed fluctuated wildly beginning from 1985 to 1995, but the trend was upward and it
also
Linking Words
stays
Wrong verb form
stayed
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 in
first
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the first
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 position. At the start point of
graph
Correct article usage
the graph
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 Chinese
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
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 eat 600
grams
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 of
fish
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 in 1 week, after 5 years
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
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 level had gained to 700
grams
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 and in half a decade
it
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its
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comeback
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come back
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 to the initial point.
Afterward
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Afterwards
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 from the mid of 1990s
fish
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 ingestion rose gradually in 15 years to 850
grams
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.  Starting from 1985
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
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 of meat
consume
Wrong verb form
consumed
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 rose gradually from 100
grams
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for
Change preposition
per
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person
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a person
the person
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 in one week to 200
grams
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,
Linking Words
nevertheless
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nevertheless,
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 salt intake in the same period of time declined dramatically from 480
grams
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 to 200
grams
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 for 1 person in 1 week.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "nevertheless".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words fish, grams with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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