IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think that the best way to improve road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving a car or motorbike. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #road #safety #age #car #motorbike
Some people believe that the optimal solution to reduce
traffic
 accidents is to raise the driving required
age
.
Although
 I agree that
this
 approach has some effects in the short term, I think a better solution is to impose stricter education and laws on driving
offenses
Change the spelling
offences
show examples
. On the one hand, I agree that increasing the minimum
age
 for getting a driving license can be an effective
road
safety
 measure. In recent years, many
traffic
 accidents
were
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 caused by young drivers, because youngsters are in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of excitement, they drive at a fast speed or trespass on other cars on narrow roads, resulting in car accidents. By increasing the minimum legal
age
, young drivers in pursuit of fast and risky driving can be filtered out,
hence
 creating a safer environment for all
road
 users.
Therefore
, increasing the minimum legal
age
 is a good way to improve
road
safety
.
On the other hand
, I believe that there are more ways to improve
road
safety
.
Firstly
,
road
safety
 education has to be strengthened at schools. By guiding and inculcating students with correct
safety
 rules and regulations on roads, individuals will learn the importance of driving carefully and safely,
hence
 enabling them to become safer drivers on roads in the future.
Second,
a more effective way to ensure
road
traffic
safety
 is to impose more severe punishments on those who commit driving
offenses
Change the spelling
offences
show examples
.
For example
, local authorities should put in place stronger penalties for defaulting
traffic
 rules,
such
 as exceeding speed limits and not observing
traffic
 lights. In conclusion,
while
 raising the legal driving
age
 can make our
road
 safe
ro
Correct your spelling
from
 some
traffic
 problems, I believe that governments should certainly implement a range of measures to enhance the
safety
 of the
road
.
Submitted by khoiminhnguyen1411 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Consider using more transitional words and phrases to improve coherence between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Include a clearer thesis statement in the introduction.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your ideas.
lexical resource
Consider using more varied and advanced vocabulary.
grammatical range accuracy
There are a few grammatical errors. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and word choice.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: