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Band 5.5

Some people prefer to work a lot, and spend less time on leisure activities. I think that this has more drawbacks than benefits

#people #work #time #leisure #activities
Nowadays, the world become more competitive than
the
Change preposition
in the
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 past. Many people are always forced to be as productive as
possbile
Correct your spelling
possible
.
As a result
, they tend to prioritise their
time
 to
work
 more than recreational or
relex
Correct your spelling
relax
reflex
 activities. Personally, I think
that is
 not a good way to have a quality life and I am going to explain the
reason
 why. The first
reason
 is
unhealthy
Add an article
an unhealthy
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 lifestyle. When people contribute most of their
time
for
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to
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work
, it
affects
Verb problem
results
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to
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in
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 many physical and mental problems.
For example
, spending
time
 too much
for
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on
show examples
work
, the following issues are lack of quality and sufficient rest, well-nutrient eating, proper
work
-out and so on. The result of these behaviours
are
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is
show examples
 getting worse in both physical and mental health.
The another
Remove the article
Another
show examples
reason
 is less productive at
work
. Even though
someone
Correct your spelling
some
show examples
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
show examples
 the more we spend
time
to
Change the verb form
working
show examples
work
, the more we are productive,
However
, the reality is the opposite way. Many researches show that if we organize our
time
 to both
work
 and rest properly, it leads to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
more
qualitily
Correct your spelling
quality
 and productive
work
.
Bacuase
Correct your spelling
Because
 when we give our
time
 too much at
work
, we going to lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
inspirational and creative thinking, and these things are the
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 materials to improve and develop
the
Change the word
our
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 way of working to be better.
To sum up
, I think people should organize
time
 for working and leisure activities appropriately. The
reason
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
relexing
Correct your spelling
relaxing
time
 can make us
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
healthier, not only physically but
also
 mentally.
Moreover
, having well rest
time
 can improve the quality of
work
,
due to
 getting more creative and inspirational ideas to adapt
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
work
 process.
Submitted by tah.siwakorn on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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