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Writing Samples
Band 7

Too much money is spent by individuals and governments on making themselves and the areas they live in look beautiful. This is wasteful and it has no useful purpose. Instead, the money should be spent on improving individuals health . Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#money #individuals #governments #areas #purpose #health
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Some
people
Use synonyms
 tend to invest
money
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 in their
beauty
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 and in making the places, where they live, more attractive. Others believe that it is a waste of
money
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 and it would be more important to spend
money
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 on
health
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. In my opinion, both views are reasonable.
To begin
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 with, it is important to contribute to
beauty
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. Nowadays many
people
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 feel much better if they look awesome. A person's look depends on their condition. If a person wears modern clothes,
does
Correct word choice
and does
show examples
 not have issues with skin, nails and hair,
for instance
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, their mood is much better because they are confident. What is more, nowadays there are many scientific studies on the Internet that show the importance of
beauty
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. When
people
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 are confident, the mental
health
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 is rising. Living in an attractive area is
also
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 beneficial as when residents habitat in a dirty ugly area, they can be depressed and disappointed
due to
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 dark colours,
for example
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.
On the other hand
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, it is essential to spend
money
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 on
health
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. No matter how beautiful you are, if you have problems with your
health
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, nothing will assist. As an example, when a person has problems with their
stomachs
Fix the agreement mistake
stomach
show examples
, the skin will suffer and no cosmetics will not help.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
health
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 is a key to all things.
People
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 cannot enjoy their lives without feeling good for real. In conclusion, I strongly believe that both views have their pros. We have to combine
money
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 between
beauty
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 to improve our mental state and
health
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 to maintain our lives.
Submitted by alii.viisl on

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task
Provide a clear opinion in the introduction.
content
Provide more specific examples and details to support your ideas.
coherence
Ensure a clear and cohesive logical structure.
content
Expand on the connection between beauty and mental health.
coherence
Provide a stronger conclusion that summarizes your points.
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