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Band 7

Too much money is spent by individuals and governments on making themselves and the areas they live in look beautiful. This is wasteful and it has no useful purpose. Instead, the money should be spent on improving individuals health . Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#money #individuals #governments #areas #purpose #health
Some
people
 tend to invest
money
 in their
beauty
 and in making the places, where they live, more attractive. Others believe that it is a waste of
money
 and it would be more important to spend
money
 on
health
. In my opinion, both views are reasonable.
To begin
 with, it is important to contribute to
beauty
. Nowadays many
people
 feel much better if they look awesome. A person's look depends on their condition. If a person wears modern clothes,
does
Correct word choice
and does
show examples
 not have issues with skin, nails and hair,
for instance
, their mood is much better because they are confident. What is more, nowadays there are many scientific studies on the Internet that show the importance of
beauty
. When
people
 are confident, the mental
health
 is rising. Living in an attractive area is
also
 beneficial as when residents habitat in a dirty ugly area, they can be depressed and disappointed
due to
 dark colours,
for example
.
On the other hand
, it is essential to spend
money
 on
health
. No matter how beautiful you are, if you have problems with your
health
, nothing will assist. As an example, when a person has problems with their
stomachs
Fix the agreement mistake
stomach
show examples
, the skin will suffer and no cosmetics will not help.
Moreover
,
health
 is a key to all things.
People
 cannot enjoy their lives without feeling good for real. In conclusion, I strongly believe that both views have their pros. We have to combine
money
 between
beauty
 to improve our mental state and
health
 to maintain our lives.
Submitted by alii.viisl on

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task
Provide a clear opinion in the introduction.
content
Provide more specific examples and details to support your ideas.
coherence
Ensure a clear and cohesive logical structure.
content
Expand on the connection between beauty and mental health.
coherence
Provide a stronger conclusion that summarizes your points.
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