Some people think that workers like nurses, doctors and teachers do not get enough payment while film actors and athletes get more money than the importance of their job. How far do you agree or disagree?
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Every occupation has a different range of
salaries
which is influenced by many factors like how important the job role is, the industry's revenue, and the company's capability. In fact, I strongly agree with those who feel that nurses
, doctors
and teachers
do not get enough money
while
people
who work
in the entertainment industry are paid more.
Workers like nurses
, doctors
, and teachers
are people
working in critical fields - health and education, thus
I think they deserve to gain a high salary. They play crucial roles in society since they make real and impactful contributions either to people
's health or education. Let us not forget about how hard doctors
and nurses
work
when covid-19 pandemic happened in almost every country. They gave their full support and bet their life to provide the best health services to people
. However
, lately in Indonesia, there has been a government
regulation that degrades internship doctors
' salaries
which then
drove many doctors
to hold a demonstration. This
case can be proof of the injustice of government
behaviour in treating doctors
.
On the other hand
, film actors
and athletes get more money
whereas
they work
in a non-priority area. High market demand may be one of the reasons why they have high earnings. Many people
are fascinated with actors
, even they
want to spend Correct pronoun usage
apply
money
to attend their idols' fan meetings. I think the more popular the actors
, the higher the earnings they can get. In social media, we often see that it is really easy for them to buy a new car and have a vacation abroad. They also
often show off their branded bags like Hermes or Gucci. From this
phenomenon, we can easily guess that they have a huge amount of money
that they gain from acting or sport. Although
it feels not fair
, a very small Correct word choice
unfair
government
role in this
industry may also
be the factor why they can get more money
. What I mean by this
, is that nurses
, doctors
, and teachers
usually are government
employees, and their salaries
are very dependent on the government
ability to pay them.
In conclusion, I think it is a common thing we know that Change noun form
government's
nurses
, doctors
, and teachers
get lower salaries
than actors
and athletes. I believe it is unfair treatment since they work
in critical fields. Even so, I suggest that if they want to get more money
, they can pursue their career to work
in the private sector.Submitted by mmmuuu on
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coherence cohesion
Enhance complexity and variety in your sentences to further improve coherence.
task achievement
Consider expanding your discussion with a wider range of examples and deeper analysis for each point.
task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear position throughout the response.
coherence cohesion
You have a good structure in your essay, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
Your main points are well-supported by relevant examples, enhancing the argument's persuasiveness.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.