IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should make efforts in reducing environmental pollutions and housing problems. To what extent do you agree to disagree with this statement?

#people #illness #disease #governments #efforts #pollutions
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There are different viewpoints regarding avoiding disease and infection. Some
people
Use synonyms
 demonstrate that governments must concentrate on reducing pollution and addressing accommodation issues for dwellers, I believe that there are many crucial aspects
such
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 as medical improvement should be considered.
To begin
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 with, environmental pollution indeed is leading to severe health diseases. Presently, humans are badly affected by the large amount of carbon footprint released by manufacturing factories;
this
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 emission contains a lot of bacteria and they are the main cause leading to illness.
In addition
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, homeless
people
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 are confronted with plenty of hazards when sleeping on the streets.
For example
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, research has indicated that sleeping in public places
such
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 as parks would result in getting sick from the germs outside.
Therefore
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, governments have to be responsible for these problems and take steps to eliminate them. Forcing big factories to recycle their emissions before releasing them and building more community houses for homeless
people
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 are potential remedies for these issues that they should consider.
Nevertheless
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, other fields like nutrition and healthcare services are playing important roles in inhabitants’ strength.
Although
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 laking of nutritious meals are crucial reason leading to a lot of health diseases
such
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 as obesity; currently, many
people
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 are choosing fast food
due to
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 its convenience.
Furthermore
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, healthcare services are often ineffective and outdated in developing countries, where the number of illnesses is highest.
For instance
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, studies conducted in 2018 showed that 80% of health diseases could be easily cured if patients have modern medical treatments.
Thus
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, authorities must improve their healthcare facilities to ensure their citizens’ well-being and raise cognitive about the importance of having a healthy diet and lifestyle through advertisements or posters. In conclusion, pollution around the world is a serious problem that must be handled.
Nonetheless
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, a lot more crucial aspects should not be overlooked.
Submitted by namkhanh.tran2310 on

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction paragraph.
task achievement
Include a clear thesis statement to outline the main points that will be discussed in the essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is well-structured with a clear topic sentence.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your writing.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity and accuracy.
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