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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people’s coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities.

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people’s coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities.
#results #survey #people’s #coffee #tea #habits #five #australian #cities
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The bar graph sketches out the final report of
coffee
Use synonyms
 and
tea
Use synonyms
 in five Australian
cities
Use synonyms
 in which they analyzed the buying and drinking capacities of the individuals.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can clearly be observed that in all
cities
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 went to
café’s
Unnecessary verb
café
show examples
 more frequently to drink
coffee
Use synonyms
 or
tea
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the only exception to
this
Linking Words
 chart was the fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 which declined as compared to others. In three
cities
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 went to the cafes to drink
coffee
Use synonyms
 or
tea
Use synonyms
 in the previous four weeks, around 64 % in Melbourne, which was the highest rate, 63% in Hobart and 61% in Sydney.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, instant
coffee
Use synonyms
 was more preferred in Hobart which was 54 % as compared to others.
However
Linking Words
,
People
Use synonyms
 were less interested in fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 to buy in Hobart
instead
Linking Words
 of Sydney and Melbourne where the demand was higher. In Adelaide, instant
coffee
Use synonyms
 and
people
Use synonyms
 who prefer to go
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cafes were approximately
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 which was around 50 %.
But
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, the percentage of fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 low and stood at around 34 %.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Brisbane was in high demand in both categories
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
mostly
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 travelled towards the cafes to drink
coffee
Use synonyms
 and
tea
Use synonyms
 around 56% and bought instant
coffee
Use synonyms
 53%.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 was
also
Linking Words
 the lowest in Brisbane and
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
other
cities
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 experienced
dip
Add an article
a dip
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
.
Submitted by ahmadarch007 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words coffee, tea, cities, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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