37.Some people think that cultural traditions will be destroyed when they are used as money-making machines aimed at tourists, other people believes that it is the only way to save such traditions in the world today. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Some say that making money from cultural
tradiction
Correct your spelling
tradition
traditions
will destroy their indigenous
culture
,
while
others would argue
that is
a way of rescuing these
traditions
.
This
essay would argue that
although
there will be a difference compared to reality, it will allow more
people
to know about their
existance
Correct your spelling
existence
. Commercialization can result in the dilution of the authenticity of the
traditions
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
since they are adapted to the tourists’ tastes and what
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
they expect.
This
can lead to misunderstanding about how the
culture
really is. Since when only focusing
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
profits, it can cover the real value and meaning of the cultural tradition and why
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
individuals really have
this
cultures
Fix the agreement mistake
culture
show examples
.
For example
, there is a minority ethnic group in China called Miao Zu, their custom is full of silver decorations, the reason why they dress like
this
is because the higher amount of decoration made of silver or gold
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
means the richer they are, so when they get married the others know about it, since it said that the richer someone is, the better life they will have. But when
people
get to China and wear these clothes, they do not know the
culture
, the only thing they know is that it looks good.
However
, I believe that
this
can be easily solved by adding some information before
people
try to be involved in another
culture
.
On the other hand
, there are countries that have many cultural
traditions
, but there are some
that
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
only followed by a few
people
, because as the years go by, some families are not very
closed
Replace the word
close
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
culture
of their ancestors, so they decide to not follow it, causing fewer
people
following these
traditions
. So the possibility of allowing visitors to try their customs and
culture
can let more
people
know about it and save them from extinction. So
communitiescan
Correct your spelling
communities can
communities
continue
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
and
perserving
Correct your spelling
preserving
their customs, and more tourism can raise awareness and appreciation for these cultural practices.
For instance
, Flamenco is a traditional dance from Spain, there are many special dates
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
people
dress with the customs, so individuals won’t forget about their
histoy
Correct your spelling
history
and make more
people
know about it. I believe
this
point of view is preferable because all
people
should try to preserve the history of their country and of the planet. In conclusion,
although
there can be omissions or only
few
Change the article
a few
show examples
details about why some places follow certain
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
, it will allow
a
Change the article
an
show examples
increasing number of individuals to know about the history, tradition and
culture
of that country, and
this
is why it is more important to allow tourists to follow and learn about cultural
traditions
.
Submitted by elenazheng1211 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: