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Band 7

You have seen an advertisement in an Australian magazine for someone to live with a family for 6 months and look after their 6 year old kid. Write a letter to the parents. In your letter explain why you would like the job give details of why you would be a suitable person to employ say how you would spend your free time while you are in Australia

#advertisement #australian #magazine #someone #months #year #kid #parents #job #person #time #australia
Dear Mr. John and Madam Maria, Recently, I saw an advertisement with a very interesting job description in a local magazine, and It has been in my mind since
then
.
Thus
, I am writing
this
 letter to show my profound interest in helping you with your child. It is important to mention that I have a
large
Fix the agreement mistake
lot of
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 experience of child care, since I have lived two years in the United States in a job position very similar to what you are offering.
However
, the only difference is that
instead
 of only one kid, I was responsible for taking care of 3 siblings. It was a great experience for me, I could learn a lot with those kids, and by the end of the job period, we became best friends!
Furthermore
, Australia is one of my favourite countries, I love the culture, the people and the weather. Would be a dream
comming
Correct your spelling
coming
 true
spend
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to spend
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 some time living in a place like yours.
Moreover
, living in Australia would help me to improve my English language skills. It is a wonderful opportunity to meet new friends, visit different places, and learn a little more about
this
 amazing country. Please find attached my resume and my cover letter. I am looking forward to hearing from you. Yours Faithfully, Lucas Campos
Submitted by lucasb7z on

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task achievement
The introduction could be more engaging and captivating. Consider mentioning the specific qualities or skills that make you a suitable candidate.
task achievement
Try to include more specific details about your experience in child care, such as your responsibilities and achievements during your previous job.
lexical resource
Add more specific reasons why Australia is your favorite country and what aspects of the culture, people, and weather you like.
task achievement
Consider providing more details on how living in Australia would help you improve your English language skills.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the resume and cover letter are included as attachments.
coherence cohesion
Consider using a more formal tone in the greeting and closing.
coherence cohesion
Divide your ideas into separate paragraphs to enhance readability.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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