You have seen an advertisement in an Australian magazine for someone to live with a family for 6 months and look after their 6 year old kid. Write a letter to the parents. In your letter explain why you would like the job give details of why you would be a suitable person to employ say how you would spend your free time while you are in Australia

#advertisement #australian #magazine #someone #months #year #kid #parents #job #person #time #australia

Dear Mr. John and Madam Maria, Recently, I saw an advertisement with a very interesting job description in a local magazine, and It has been in my mind since

then

Thus

, I am writing

this

letter to show my profound interest in helping you with your child. It is important to mention that I have a

large

Fix the agreement mistake

lot of

show examples

experience of child care, since I have lived two years in the United States in a job position very similar to what you are offering.

However

, the only difference is that

instead

of only one kid, I was responsible for taking care of 3 siblings. It was a great experience for me, I could learn a lot with those kids, and by the end of the job period, we became best friends!

Furthermore

, Australia is one of my favourite countries, I love the culture, the people and the weather. Would be a dream

comming

Correct your spelling

coming

true

spend

Fix the infinitive

to spend

show examples

some time living in a place like yours.

Moreover

, living in Australia would help me to improve my English language skills. It is a wonderful opportunity to meet new friends, visit different places, and learn a little more about

this

amazing country. Please find attached my resume and my cover letter. I am looking forward to hearing from you. Yours Faithfully, Lucas Campos

Submitted by lucasb7z on Tue Oct 17 2023

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task achievement

The introduction could be more engaging and captivating. Consider mentioning the specific qualities or skills that make you a suitable candidate.

task achievement

Try to include more specific details about your experience in child care, such as your responsibilities and achievements during your previous job.

lexical resource

Add more specific reasons why Australia is your favorite country and what aspects of the culture, people, and weather you like.

task achievement

Consider providing more details on how living in Australia would help you improve your English language skills.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that the resume and cover letter are included as attachments.

coherence cohesion

Consider using a more formal tone in the greeting and closing.

coherence cohesion

Divide your ideas into separate paragraphs to enhance readability.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

6 paragraphs

216 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

enthusiastic
child care
relevant qualifications
patience
reliable
creative
engage
explore
culture
language skills
participate
local events

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasize that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development

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The importance of biodiversity is being more widely recognised as increasing numbers of species come under threat. what can be done to maintain biodiversity?

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