IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think that the media have to right to publish detail of people’s view, while other thinks it should be controlled. Discuss both views.

#people #media #right #detail #people’s
A significant number of people out there hold the perception that the magazine has the power to publish thorough information about an individual's assertion,
nevertheless
, another school of thought
also
 share the sentiment that
this
 trend should be mitigated.
This
 essay will totally endorse the former view. On the one hand, when the media exposes mankind info, it can put lives in danger. To elaborate, a young man in my neighbourhood was beaten to death because of a bad comment he made.
This
 trend occurred
as a result
 of the press exposing
such
 comments
as well as
 his background. If
such
 a phenomenon continues,
then
 individuals will lose trust in the media.
On the other hand
, it is blatant that mankind becomes famous when newspapers showcase thorough information about the populace. To explicate, Twene Jonas used to be an ordinary person but after he started addressing issues concerning Ghanaian citizens and the writer posting it on their various platforms, he became well-known. Despite the fact that humans can be famous, the background of the citizens can not be put in danger.
By contrast
, there are a myriad of ways one can be a celebrity
such
 as helping the needy.
For example
, research conducted by non organization two years ago revealed that sixty per cent of people end up being famous when supporting the needy. In conclusion, after examining the two contradictory views, I strongly believe that human lives will be at risk when exposed and
therefore
, it should be stopped. In view of
this
, I recommend that the press should come out with different ways of posting one's data.
Submitted by mboadi211 on

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task achievement
Provide a more balanced discussion by including arguments supporting the opposing view.
coherence cohesion
Improve the introduction and conclusion by making them more detailed and clear.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and explanations to support your ideas.
lexical resource
Use more varied vocabulary to enhance your essay.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to avoid errors.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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