There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

It is generally known that
music
holds an indispensable position
for
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in
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our mentality. There is a wide range of explanations for the necessity of
music
. Personally, I hold the perception that the traditional
music
of a country, compared with foreign
music
, is definitely more invaluable. It is undoubted that
music
is of necessity for
human’s
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human
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lives. First of all,
music
is considered as an
efficiently
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efficient
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recreational activity for people after a long day of hard work. Students and officers nowadays have to suffer from an enormous amount of stress from their
study
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studies
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and work. As a matter of fact,
music
allows them to refresh their own moods and to be full of beans.
Secondly
,
music
is highly appreciated for its representation of
culture
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the culture
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and
custom
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customs
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of a country.
For instance
, Vietnamese folk songs vividly convey how industrious Vietnamese
is to introduce
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are
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to international visitors. From my perspective, the value of
the
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apply
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traditional
music
overweighs
Verb problem
outweighs
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that of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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international one which is widely listened to by a vast majority of young people, especially teenagers all over the world. Despite the fact that hit songs are eventful, catchy and bring us enthusiasm, they have no virtuous or meaningful messages.
The traditional
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Traditional
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music
, meanwhile, passes historical and traditional values
on
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onto
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the fellow generations, which reminds them of patriotism and national
proudness
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pride
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.
Moreover
, International
music
has recently been used for commercial purposes to gain a reputation for entertainment companies or celebrities, it has no value at all in the long run. In conclusion,
music
plays a vital part in life and I strongly believe that the role of
the
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apply
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traditional
music
should be recognized
than
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more than
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that of
the
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apply
show examples
international
music
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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