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Band 3.5

People have different perspectives on whether schools ought to focus on teaching children to compete or work together as a team. While some people think that competition is more important, others consider that it is better for children to learn to cooperate with each other.

#people #perspectives #schools #focus #children #work #team #competition
Most of the
work
 nowadays
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
team
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
work
.
Altuogh
Correct your spelling
Although
 it is important that
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 teach students how to
copmete
Correct your spelling
compete
complete
 to achieve the best in their
future
, it is most important for the children to know how to
work
 as a
team
 member. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand , competition is important in the school to encourage children to do their best , and get higher scores ,so they can compete in the
future
 in the
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
 to get the best job and salary. Students need to understand that the modern world is growing fast and they have to fight to have
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
future
.
On the other hand
, we need more
team
 players to
involve
Wrong verb form
be involved
show examples
 in very important roles in the community.
For example
,
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
show examples
 and nurses need to
work
 as
team
Add an article
a team
show examples
 to provide the best service to their patients and save lives.
schools
Capitalize word
Schools
show examples
 should teach pupils to
work
 together rather
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 compete to help their society when
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 are grown up. In conclusion,
while
 children need to be comparative in their life to have
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 lifestyle and
future
, in my opinion, it is most important to teach them how to be part of a
team
 and
work
 with their community to support others.
Submitted by hanabadawy on

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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