Some people think that cultural traditions may be destroyed when they are used as money making attractions aimed at tourists. Others believe it is the only way to save these traditions. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

There is an ongoing discussion about peoples' concern over the side effects of tourism using cultural activities to create an entertainment business and how it destroys traditional
values
.
While
the rest of the majority believe that
this
is the unique way to protect cultural
values
. I believe that the second statement being true to its appearance and bringing tourists for entertainment will provide enough budget to save the tradition. In many countries traditional attractions used to take the attention of tourists;
however
, the deformation of the historical roots of rituals became a threat to indigenous people.Since every
tourist
brings their own difference to local
values
and how they interfere with culture makes it part away from its roots. Local traditions of Turkey get out of their authenticity because of the number of
tourist
visits made to Istanbul.
As a result
, the city become one of the biggest
tourist
attractions, and because of
this
now the country is fighting to bring back the origin of the
values
while
bringing people from rural areas to the capital. Using the advantages of the budget gained from tourism stands as a great capital for the renovation and reformation of
tourist
spots which helps the government to support local communities immediately to keep a history of culture alive. Italian government saved Venesia from disappearing with the help of entertainment and food businesses that they invested in and used its budget to renovate all the buildings and bridges. The Italian government was able to promote the whole country and the originality of its traditions. In conclusion, the heritage of communities can lose its authenticity because of insufficient lead in attraction.But no tradition can survive without financial support and bringing people all over the world is the best way to keep them alive for many decades.
Submitted by musayevjahangir on

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coherence cohesion
Consider organizing your essay into clear paragraphs, each devoted to discussing a particular point or side of the argument. This will enhance the logical structure of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to help connect your ideas more smoothly and clearly.
task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly outlines the topics you will discuss, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your argument and states your opinion clearly.
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Incorporate more specific examples to support your arguments. This will strengthen your essay by providing clearer, more comprehensive evidence for your points.
task achievement
You effectively covered both sides of the argument, providing a balanced discussion before stating your own opinion.
task achievement
You've included specific examples, like those from Turkey and Italy, to illustrate your points, which helps in making your argument more persuasive.

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Commodified
  • Authenticity
  • Cultural misunderstanding
  • Over-commercialization
  • Staged authenticity
  • Economic benefits
  • Cultural preservation
  • Cultural exchange
  • Cultural commodification
  • Tourist expectations
  • Financial support
  • Sustainable tourism
  • Intangible cultural heritage
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