In many societies, there is a growing emphasis on individualism, with people prioritizing their personal goals and desires over collective interests. Is this is a positive or negative development?

#societies #emphasis #individualism #people #goals #desires #interests #development

Worldwide

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

individualism

is rising,

people

focus just

Change preposition

show examples

personal

goals

and prefer isolation

than

Change preposition

show examples

life in society. I believe that extreme individuality can be a negative development for collective interests and personal

health

. Some of my reasons will be explored in the remainder of

this

essay.

Comunity

Correct your spelling

Community

show examples

cohesion is an important resource for human society.

Firstly

human

Fix the agreement mistake

humans

show examples

begins evolved

Wrong verb form

began to evolve

show examples

as a social group and

this

aspect allowed us

move

Add the particle

to move

show examples

from

Correct article usage

the stone

show examples

stone age

Correct your spelling

Stone Age

show examples

modern

Correct article usage

the modern

show examples

world. What is more,

this

capacity to arrange and work together to solve a common issue is the key

Change preposition

show examples

successful

Replace the word

success

show examples

For example

, in the Ecuadorian Amazon, indigenous communities fighting with oil companies in order to protect the

amazon

Capitalize word

Amazon

show examples

forest.

This

posible beacuse

Correct your spelling

possible because

this

groups

Fix the agreement mistake

group

show examples

priorizining

Correct your spelling

prioritizing

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

common

interestes

Correct your spelling

interests

over personal

goals

. Clearly,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

comunity

Correct your spelling

community

cohesion is

valuable

Add an article

a valuable

show examples

resource that

allow

Change the verb form

allows

show examples

some

comunities

Correct your spelling

communities

Fix the infinitive

to achived

show examples

achived

Correct your spelling

achieved

achieve

goals

in favor of individuals. Another key issue of

extrem

Correct your spelling

extreme

individualism

is the mental

health

consequences that

this

can bring.

To begin

with, as social

animal

Fix the agreement mistake

animals

show examples

humans need

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

interactions with other

people

. Both in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

acient

Correct your spelling

ancient

times, when

people

needed to survive in

wild

Correct article usage

a wild

show examples

world and today when we need to avoid depression

this

touch is necessary. To illustrate

this

, nowadays younger

people

avoid face-to-face relationships in

favor

Change the spelling

favour

show examples

inreacting

Correct your spelling

interacting

through social media,

as a consequence

these individuals live in isolation.

This

phenomenon lead today to an epidemic of

metal

Correct your spelling

mental

show examples

health

issues

worlwide

Correct your spelling

worldwide

. So,

individualism

can contribute in a negative way to mental

health

. In conclusion, I admit that personal

goals

and desires are important for personal development, but

the

Correct pronoun usage

show examples

believe that growing as

society

Add an article

a society

show examples

with

emphasis

Correct article usage

an emphasis

show examples

individualism

will increase our problems.

Submitted by alequech on Tue Oct 17 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
38Grammar mistakes
 

1 paragraphs

274 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

fosters
innovation
autonomy
align with
excessive
social isolation
community bonds
solely
social classes
entrepreneurship
economic development
empathy
societal cohesion
collective well-being
vulnerable

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
Health services are a basic necessity. However, private companies have made them quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages?
In this essay, I want to discuss health services, particularly private and expensive ones.
4.5
band
Today, more and more people want thing instantly (eg: goods, service, news) why is this? Is it a positive or negative development?
Nowadays, many crowd would like to act everything immediately such as education, politic, economy. It comes from the demand of saving time as well as effort in everything. As I see it, it is the positive development about the high speed of dealing all of thing.
6.5
band
Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. * Discuss both these views and give your own opinion
In today's society, competition among people is a more common activity. Some people believe that competition in the workplace, at college, and in daily life is a beneficial activity. Others think that people should try to cooperate more rather than compete with each other. In this essay, I will discuss both views to gain an appropriate understanding, and I will support my opinions with concrete examples.
6.5
band
Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems.
Some people argue that the extinction of certain plant and animal species is the biggest environmental issue that we confront today, while others claim that there are other environmental problems that are more important. I agree with the former viewpoint because some plant and animal species play a key role in keeping the ecosystem in balance.
5.5
band
The natural Sesources such and fresh water as oil, forests. are being consumed. at an alarming rate. What problems does it cause? How can we solve these problems.
It is certainly true that natural resources such as fresh water, oil and forests are being used at an extremely fast and unethical way. Due to this, many issues and the solutions to these issues have been implemented, which I will be discussing below.

In many societies, there is a growing emphasis on individualism, with people prioritizing their personal goals and desires over collective interests. Is this is a positive or negative development?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Health services are a basic necessity. However, private companies have made them quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages?

Today, more and more people want thing instantly (eg: goods, service, news) why is this? Is it a positive or negative development?

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. * Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems.

The natural Sesources such and fresh water as oil, forests. are being consumed. at an alarming rate. What problems does it cause? How can we solve these problems.