In many societies, there is a growing emphasis on individualism, with people prioritizing their personal goals and desires over collective interests. Is this is a positive or negative development?

#societies #emphasis #individualism #people #goals #desires #interests #development

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Worldwide

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

individualism

Use synonyms

is rising,

people

Use synonyms

focus just

Change preposition

show examples

personal

goals

Use synonyms

and prefer isolation

than

Change preposition

show examples

life in society. I believe that extreme individuality can be a negative development for collective interests and personal

health

Use synonyms

. Some of my reasons will be explored in the remainder of

this

Linking Words

essay.

Comunity

Correct your spelling

Community

show examples

cohesion is an important resource for human society.

Firstly

Linking Words

human

Fix the agreement mistake

humans

show examples

begins evolved

Wrong verb form

began to evolve

show examples

as a social group and

this

Linking Words

aspect allowed us

move

Add the particle

to move

show examples

from

Correct article usage

the stone

show examples

stone age

Correct your spelling

Stone Age

show examples

modern

Correct article usage

the modern

show examples

world. What is more,

this

Linking Words

capacity to arrange and work together to solve a common issue is the key

Change preposition

show examples

successful

Replace the word

success

show examples

For example

Linking Words

, in the Ecuadorian Amazon, indigenous communities fighting with oil companies in order to protect the

amazon

Capitalize word

Amazon

show examples

forest.

This

Linking Words

posible beacuse

Correct your spelling

possible because

this

Linking Words

groups

Fix the agreement mistake

group

show examples

priorizining

Correct your spelling

prioritizing

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

common

interestes

Correct your spelling

interests

over personal

goals

Use synonyms

. Clearly,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

comunity

Correct your spelling

community

cohesion is

valuable

Add an article

a valuable

show examples

resource that

allow

Change the verb form

allows

show examples

some

comunities

Correct your spelling

communities

Fix the infinitive

to achived

show examples

achived

Correct your spelling

achieved

achieve

goals

Use synonyms

in favor of individuals. Another key issue of

extrem

Correct your spelling

extreme

individualism

Use synonyms

is the mental

health

Use synonyms

consequences that

this

Linking Words

can bring.

To begin

Linking Words

with, as social

animal

Fix the agreement mistake

animals

show examples

humans need

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

interactions with other

people

Use synonyms

. Both in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

acient

Correct your spelling

ancient

times, when

people

Use synonyms

needed to survive in

wild

Correct article usage

a wild

show examples

world and today when we need to avoid depression

this

Linking Words

touch is necessary. To illustrate

this

Linking Words

, nowadays younger

people

Use synonyms

avoid face-to-face relationships in

favor

Change the spelling

favour

show examples

inreacting

Correct your spelling

interacting

through social media,

as a consequence

Linking Words

these individuals live in isolation.

This

Linking Words

phenomenon lead today to an epidemic of

metal

Correct your spelling

mental

show examples

health

Use synonyms

issues

worlwide

Correct your spelling

worldwide

. So,

individualism

Use synonyms

can contribute in a negative way to mental

health

Use synonyms

. In conclusion, I admit that personal

goals

Use synonyms

and desires are important for personal development, but

the

Correct pronoun usage

show examples

believe that growing as

society

Add an article

a society

show examples

with

emphasis

Correct article usage

an emphasis

show examples

individualism

Use synonyms

will increase our problems.

Submitted by alequech on Tue Oct 17 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
38
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

1 paragraphs

274 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

fosters
innovation
autonomy
align with
excessive
social isolation
community bonds
solely
social classes
entrepreneurship
economic development
empathy
societal cohesion
collective well-being
vulnerable

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
Economic progress is often used to measure a country’s success. However, some people believe that other factors are more important. What other factors should also be considered when measuring a country’s success? Do you think one factor is more important than others?
There is no denying the fact that when we say that this country is a success, we must look for various standards. This essay will discuss the elements that should be reviewed when evaluating a country's success, and if there are one factor is more crucial than others.
6.5
band
Some people argue that keeping pets is beneficial for longevity while others believe that household animals are not healthy for people to have as companions. Discuss both sides of the argument and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
People have different views about whether it is beneficial to have a pet at home. Some suggest that pets will promote the longevity of humans as pets bring joy to the household, while some disagree as they believe that pets are unhygienic and will cause health problems in humans. An elaboration of both points of view with relevant examples and personal experience will be highlighted in this essay.
<4
band
Students should pay a full cost for their own study, because university education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?
Some people said that student should pay everything for their study, since only them can take advantages of learning in university, not the society. The author agreed to this ideal and will give reasons why.
6.5
band
Some people say that the only way to get success is to go to university while others think that it depends on other factors. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some say that the only order to get money is a university and the other say there is more than one way to get money, this essay will agree with the second opinion because the university is not created to get money.
7.5
band
Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest time of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibility. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Some perceive that people enjoy life the most during adulthood, while others believe that the adolescent years are the most exciting time of human lives. Although people usually accumulate sufficient wealth by the time they reach adulthood, I consider the youthful years as the most unforgettable moments because this is when people can do whatever they want without having to care much about other responsibilities.

In many societies, there is a growing emphasis on individualism, with people prioritizing their personal goals and desires over collective interests. Is this is a positive or negative development?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Economic progress is often used to measure a country’s success. However, some people believe that other factors are more important. What other factors should also be considered when measuring a country’s success? Do you think one factor is more important than others?

Some people argue that keeping pets is beneficial for longevity while others believe that household animals are not healthy for people to have as companions. Discuss both sides of the argument and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Students should pay a full cost for their own study, because university education benefits individuals rather than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Some people say that the only way to get success is to go to university while others think that it depends on other factors. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest time of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibility. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.