IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is become increasingly expensive for museums to open to the public. What would be your solution to keep them open?

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In today's busy life, the cost of opening entertainment facilities has become dramatically increased.
Therefore
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, opening a new
museum
Use synonyms
 to the public is economically challenging
in
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apply
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these days. The building costs and decreased interest
of
Change preposition
in
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galleries
Use synonyms
among
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in
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 society directly affect
to
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apply
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the opening of future museums.
Consequently
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,
this
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 essay will try to
adress
Correct your spelling
address
 solutions to tackle
with
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apply
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economical
Replace the word
economic
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 obstacles in terms of
open
Replace the word
opening
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 a new
museum
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
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, the
construction
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 price of a building has become extremely expensive since the pandemic. Because
the
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of the
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 lack of enough materials and workforce for
construction
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, it is nearly
imposible
Correct your spelling
impossible
 to reduce the
prices
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.
For example
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, one of the ongoing
construction
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
art
galleries
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 in Istanbul has to stop because of the sudden increase in brick and steel
prices
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 during the pandemic.
Secondly
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, opening a new entertainment facility requires a lot of
advertise
Change the verb form
advertising
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 to attract customers. If
this
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 kind of business is not supported with enough advertisement, eventually, all the investment might become worthless.
As a result
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, people hesitate to open a new
museum
Use synonyms
 to society which requires tons of money and promotion.
However
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, there might be some solutions to remove these obstacles. Since the building
prices
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 have become
indeniably
Correct your spelling
undeniably
 unaffordable for entertaining activities,
galleries
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 and cultural associations should try the concept of
outdoor
Add an article
the outdoor
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 exhibition.
By
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With
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 the help of the government, they can rent appropriate
vacants
Correct your spelling
vacancies
 to perform an exhibition.
On the other hand
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, they could improve their attractiveness by using social
media
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 channels. Social
media
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 platforms can not only increase the popularity of local museums and
galleries
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, but they can
also
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 assist
to improve
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in improving
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 their budgets through public donations. The Pera
Museum
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 is an excellent example
for
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of
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this
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 situation which improved its revenue by donations from the social
media
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 channels.
Finally
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, it has become an independent
museum
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 which serves for free and only accepts donations. In conclusion, entertainment facilities are confronted with amazingly inclined
prices
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 to open to the public.
Although
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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construction
Use synonyms
 and advertisement expenses are the biggest outcome of
this
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 issue, people and authorities can try to use social
media
Use synonyms
 and outdoor exhibition
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
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 to alleviate their total expenditure on opening a
musem
Correct your spelling
museum
.

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language
Make sure to check for spelling errors, such as 'adress' should be 'address', and 'imposible' should be 'impossible'.
content
Clarify your main points more explicitly; some ideas are valuable but lack thorough development.
content
Ensure that your arguments provide sufficient support for the main thesis throughout the essay.
content
You present a relevant and interesting topic discussing the economic challenges faced by museums.
content
The use of specific examples, such as the Pera Museum, enhances your argument.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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