The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less. The table show these causes affected three regions of world during the 1990s.

The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less. The table show these causes affected three regions of world during the 1990s.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
pie chart provides information about the
percentage
Use synonyms
of four factors that
Use synonyms
causes
Correct subject-verb agreement
cause
show examples
less
productive
Replace the word
productivity
show examples
of agricultural
land
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
the given table illustrates the
proportion
Use synonyms
of
three
Use synonyms
factors that affected
three
Use synonyms
regions of the world during the 1990s.
Overall
Linking Words
, over-grazing
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
the biggest
proportion
Use synonyms
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
causes
Use synonyms
of agricultural
land
Use synonyms
becomes
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
less productive
while
Linking Words
the other is the lowest.
In addition
Linking Words
, Europe had the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
of
Use synonyms
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
causes
Use synonyms
of
land
Use synonyms
degradation
while
Linking Words
North America had the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
except for
over-cultivation
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
with, over-grazing is the main factor on why agricultural
land
Use synonyms
becomes less productive. It takes 35% of all reasons.
Next,
Linking Words
28% of that phenomenon is caused by
over-cultivation
Use synonyms
.
Deforestation
Use synonyms
takes 30% of the
causes
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
less productive
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
agricultural
land
Use synonyms
. 7% of other factors
also
Linking Words
contribute
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
less productive agricultural
land
Use synonyms
. In Europe,
deforestation
Use synonyms
,
over-cultivation
Use synonyms
, and over-grazing
ware
Correct your spelling
were
show examples
always
took
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the highest
proportion
Use synonyms
of the
causes
Use synonyms
of
land
Use synonyms
degradation compared to the other two countries. The
percentage
Use synonyms
were 9.8%, 7.7%, and 5.5% for
deforestation
Use synonyms
,
over-cultivation
Use synonyms
, and over-grazing respectively with
total
Add an article
the total
a total
show examples
number was 23%. Oceania
also
Linking Words
had the same problem
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
Europe except for
over-cultivation
Use synonyms
.
Deforestation
Use synonyms
and over-grazing took 1.7% and 11.3% respectively on that phenomenon
while
Linking Words
over-cultivation
Use synonyms
took 0%. The total number of that destruction was 13%.
Lastly
Linking Words
, in North America, the
three
Use synonyms
reasons
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
that phenomenon took the lowest
proportion
Use synonyms
except for the
over-cultivation
Use synonyms
. The
percentage
Use synonyms
was 0.2% for
deforestation
Use synonyms
, 3.3% for
over-cultivation
Use synonyms
, and 1.5% for over-grazing with
total
Add an article
the total
a total
show examples
number was 5%.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, causes, land, proportion, three, over-cultivation, deforestation with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: