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Band 5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
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In
this
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 digital era, it is noteworthy that adolescents devote a huge amount of their time to their gadgets. Tragically, some of them even developed smartphone addiction at a very young age.
This
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 behaviour is tightly linked to the growing trends in mobile application usage among children.
However
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, I view
this
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 habit as a negative evolution that disadvantages juvenile growth and development in the long run. It is evident that gadgets are especially interesting to kids as their main source of entertainment. Numerous mobile applications are widely accessible to fill the leisure time they have on a daily basis.
This
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 behaviour arises from the tendency of
a young married couples
Correct the article-noun agreement
young married couples
a young married couple
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 to distract their youngsters using digital gadgets.
As a result
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, children will feel more engaged in certain internet-based activities rather than building meaningful connections with their parents.
Although
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 it may provide some enjoyment to their offspring,
this
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 manner will eventually corrupt the human interactions within the family.
Moreover
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, numerous research
have
Change the verb form
has
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 revealed the negative impact of smartphones on mental health and well-being among youths. Despite its unparalleled access to any kind of digital amusement, the threat posed by explicit content and misinformations remains a formidable challenge. Nowadays, many adolescents are developing an addiction to explicit content
due to
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 their excessive time spent on the internet.
This
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 addiction ultimately resulted in multiple personality disorders, deteriorating their mental health condition in the long term.
In addition
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, internet-based interactions are not considered as a real interaction. Numerous studies have linked
this
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 virtual interaction with the growing number of depression incidents among children.
This
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 development resulted from the extremely shallow network that we built on the internet,
therefore
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 leaving the users with feelings of loneliness and depression. In conclusion, in spite of the advantages brought by smartphones, it is notable that the excessive usage of
this
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 technology will contribute to negative development for teenagers.
This
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unfavorable
Change the spelling
unfavourable
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 threat posed by mobile applications
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 mainly attributable to their effect on mental health and well-being, the poor quality of human interaction within the family, and depression.
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Task Achievement
Provide a clear thesis statement at the end of the introduction.
Task Achievement
Provide a more balanced view by including some potential positive aspects of children spending hours on smartphones.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to have a clear topic sentence for each paragraph to enhance the coherence.
Task Achievement
Include more supporting examples and evidence to strengthen your arguments.
Lexical Resource
Use more varied vocabulary to enhance your lexical resource.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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